The High-way Hector, Or,
A very queint Poem in which much is said,
Concerning the manner and tricks of the trade
To the tune of, Hunger and cold, or Packingtons pound.
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I Am a brave Padder,
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You ne're knew a Madder,
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From Paddington Pear-free
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Turn'd over the Ladder.
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I speak French and Latine,
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I wear Plush and Satten,
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And in my profession
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I grow fat and batten,
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I go like a Gallant
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in all sorts of weather,
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And seem to be valiant
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in Buff, Coat and Feather;
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I keep a Grey Mare,
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and with raw Beef I nurse her,
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To fit her for stand,
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and deliver your purse Sir.
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I keep a good Jade.
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and I feed a fine Whore,
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I deal in no trade,
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yet I never was poor,
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I travel through Corn
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and whole Acres of fruit,
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And yet I was born
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unto never a foot:
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The Partrich that's neat,
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and the Pheasant that's fine,
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Doth serve for my meat
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and at midnight I dine;
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It is very seldome
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my feeding is worser,
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[All this comes by stand, etc.]
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If my punk do but falter,
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or be out of case,
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My Hostesses daughter
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doth jump in the place;
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For Prigging and Padding
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and nimming and stabbing,
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Doth serve to supply me
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with drinking and drapping:
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But if I can find
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nere a young Female elf
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To please me,
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then have at my Hostess her self,
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If she be not willing
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I bang her and curse her,
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All this comes by stand, etc.
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They sit up and wait
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and attend me by turns,
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If I stay too late
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the poor Inkeeper mourns;
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The Cook-maid will not
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be seduced to sin,
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Although she be lov'd
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by the chief Chamberlin,
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Nor will she submit
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to let any man tast her,
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When she is provoked
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by the power of her Master,
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Who dares not displease me
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so far as to force her,
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All this comes by stand,
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and deliver your purse Sir.
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The second Part, To the same Tune.
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WHen day-light doth dawn
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I knock and they bustle,
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The Hostler doth yawn
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and the Geldings do justle:
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My wine is provided,
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my horse is rub'd down,
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And they are all guided
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like men of my own:
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They all give attendance
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both Knaveship and whoreship,
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And keep themselves wakening
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to wait on my worship:
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If the Maid fall asleep
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all the servants do curse her,
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And this comes by stand etc.
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When want doth importune,
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I borrow of many,
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But nere have the fortune
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to pay back a penny:
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If I meet an old Judge.
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I possess him with grief,
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As if I were the Justice
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and he were the thief:
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Of all trees I come to
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I fear none but one tree,
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And dare not be try'd
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by the King and the Countrey:
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Such tryal is worse
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then a nimble-tongu'd wife sir,
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When Judges cry stand
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and deliver your Life sir.
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My trade is as lawful
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if taken in one sense,
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As many that measure
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their wares by their conscience,
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For 'tis in the conscience
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no viler a vice
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To pinch them in padding
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as cheat 'em in price:
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I think when I rob
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a precise city Brother,
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'Tis cheat upon cheat,
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and one cheat cheats another:
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Then tell me in conscience
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if this be not worser
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Then boldly cry stand, etc.
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Those Rogues that are brewing
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of war 'gainst their King,
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Sincerely are doing
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the very same thing:
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With angles of zeal
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they study and labour,
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To plunder and steal
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from their very next neighbour,
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Whilst we are obliged
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and bound by the Charters
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Of Paddington law
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not to smoak our own quarters.
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Then tell me good people
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if this be not worser,
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Then they that cry stand, etc.
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If any by dodging
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would traffick in my way,
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Let him come to my lodging
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my name's Rob-in Highway:
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I'le prove my profession
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though you think it strange;
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More honest then many
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that cheat on the change:
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Then filtch in the slynesse
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of galling and sobbing,
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Much more then those gallants
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who purchase by robbing,
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And therefore in Reason
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it seems to be worser,
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Then mine that cry stand, etc.
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Our way is more level
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more honest and ev'ner,
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Then either the Usurer,
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Broker or Scriv'ner:
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They get mens Estates
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and totally rout e'm,
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Whilst Padder takes nothing
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but what is about 'em:
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Our way of defeating
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though free from such slyness,
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Is better then cheating
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with shadows of kindness:
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And therefore most freely
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confess that 'tis worser,
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Then mine that cries stand
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and deliver your purse sir.
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