A Merry Discourse between
Billy and his Mistris.
To the Tune of, Lye still my dear Shepherd.
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COme sit thee down Billy, I have something to say,
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In my mind have I kept it this many a day;
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Your Master you know is a Fool and Sot,
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And nothing he minds but the Pipe and the Pot:
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And if they pursue us, to the Gazette we'l flye,
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I'le pull off my Pattens, and on my back lye.
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Till twelve or till one he seldom comes home,
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And then he's so Drunk that he lyes like a Droan;
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Such usage as this would make anyone mad,
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And a Woman must have it where 'tis to be had:
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And if they pursue us, etc.
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O my dearest Mistris, this never can be,
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That you should affect such a Fellow as me;
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But Heaven forbid, though I am but your Man,
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That I should refuse to do all that I can:
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And if they pursue us, etc.
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You Master's diseased with Gout and with Stiches,
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And nothing he can do but pull down his Breeches;
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And then he stands shaking as though he was dead,
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And so like a Woodcock he hangs down his head:
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And if they pursue us, etc.
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O my dearest Mistris, I cannot deny,
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For I find myself able your wants to supply;
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And if you'l support me with Coin and with Cash,
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We'l drink while my Master shall bray like an Ass:
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And if they pursue us, etc.
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Prithee my Billy now do not mistrust,
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In Pocket and Placket to thee I'le be just;
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Keep touch with your Master, and then you shall see,
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We'l make his baggs flye all whereever he be:
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And if they pursue us, etc.
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O my dearest Mistris, but here lies the touch,
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My Wife at our pleasure will grumble and grutch;
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She hath a quick eye, and her passion is strong,
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She'l shake our foundation or e're it be long:
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And if they pursue us, etc.
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O my dearest Billy, why dost thou love she,
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If thou dost Billy, thou canst not love me;
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For I never knew it all days of my life,
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That any man lov'd both his Whore and his Wife:
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And if they pursue us, etc.
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To make him a Cuckold none's fitter than thee,
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For the fool won't believe it although he doth see;
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A pint of burnt Brandy, a Pipe, and a Cole,
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Here's a good health to Billy and to Billys Hole:
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And if they, etc.
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What though I do fight and endeavour to kill,
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Yet my brave Billy will take my part still;
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And I will do with him as long as I can,
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So long as I know he's a lusty young man:
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And if they, etc.
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I thank thee now Billy for my flat Fish,
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And long did I think it e're I had my wish;
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And if we do meet at the Bird in hand door,
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We'l call for a Room, and we'l dance on the floor:
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And if they, etc.
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Then Billys Wife she lookt in at the door,
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What a Devil, quoth she, do you down on the floor?
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A dressing of Flounders which you sent me last,
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What a Devil, quoth she, do you make sauce with your arse
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And if they, etc.
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As for our Neighbours they are but all fools,
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To meddle or make, because we use our own Tools;
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Pray then will you tell me wherefore they were made,
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And if to use 'um we should be afraid:
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And if they, etc.
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As for the small Hob-Nails, I have had none of those,
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To spoil my cold face, nor to hurt my red Nose;
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The great ones are they which I most do fear,
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If they come below they will spoil my best Ware:
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And if they, etc.
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And still we'l be merry, and leave off all passion,
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I had rather be dead than to live out of fashion;
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My Father and Mother they were of that Trade,
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And I for that purpose so Brazen was made:
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And if they, etc.
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But as for the Gazette, we'l come no more there,
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For why? they do keep an old screeking Chair;
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Beside that, the Woman's a blab of her tongue,
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And we'l find out another place e're it be long:
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And if they pursue us they shall ne'r find us out,
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And yet we are resolv'd to have the other bout.
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