The Toothless BRIDE:
OR,
The Wonton Old WOMAN:
Being a pleasant and comical Relation of a Wealthy old Woman, of above Fourscore Years of
Age, near Fleet-street, that Married a young Man not above Twenty, because he Played so
sweetly on her old Instrument. With the pleasant Particulars of their Courtship, Marriage, and
comical Humours of the Wedding Night.
To the Tune of, The Old Woman Poor and Blind.
To Wed with me is no Disgrace,
Then turn to me your Lovly Face;
But he Reply'd, you are too Old,
Unless you have good store of Gold,
If that be all, (said she) ne're fear,
I've Wealth enough for you, my Dear.
And tho I'm Old and Strength do lack,
My Maid shall turn me on my Back.
Her Maid.
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YOU wanton Wives, that are grown Old,
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I'll tell you a mery Jest;
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It is as True, as e're you knew,
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You'll Smile when you hear the rest,
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An Ancient Dame of Fourscore Years,
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Whose Husband is lately Dead;
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Her wanton Mind, was so inclin'd,
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That she would again be Wed.
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She had old Organs of her own,
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But wanted a Man to Play;
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Quoth she, 'tis known, they're Musty grown,
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I'll use 'em without delay;
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With that a young Man soon appear'd,
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And show'd her his Skill and Art,
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She soon reply'd, I'll be your Bride,
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For you have quite won my Heart.
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Tho you are Young and I am Old,
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I've Money will make you Smile,
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I woun't withhold my Bags of Gold,
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If you'l please me the while,
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Your Musick has so Charm'd my Ear,
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I long to be at the Game,
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The thing you have, I much do crave,
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Altho I am Old and Lame.
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Tho Age and Palsey doth me seize,
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And puts me upon the Wrack,
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My Maid with ease, just as you please,
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Shall turn me upon my Back;
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I know you young Men can't forbare,
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But soon must be at the Play,
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And long to try, as well as I,
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And can no longer stay.
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Dear Mother, quoth the cunning Lad,
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I'll please you if I can,
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And will make bold, to love your Gold,
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Since I must be the Man,
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Then Let's be Married with all speed,
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And make no more delay.
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For most Men say, the Silver-Key,
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Will make the Organs play.
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The Toothless Bride, she step'd about,
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Tho Lame but just before,
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And turn'd about her wrinkl'd Snout,
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And said she ask'd no more,
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Quoth she, we'll soon be join'd in one,
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Although we now are twain,
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I Smile at that, I wou'd be at,
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But dare not it explain.
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The Aged Bride, as brisk did seem,
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Upon the Wedding Day,
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As any Lass upon the Grass,
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That Love's to sport and play;
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Tho all her Teeth were gone and fled,
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She mumblingly did say;
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My charming Boy, let me enjoy,
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The thing without delay.
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When carried in a Chair to Bed,
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Because she could not go,
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Her Maid did wait, to lay her Strait,
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In order to what you know,
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No Bride was ever in more hast,
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Or eagerer (as they say'd),
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To tast the Charms, within his Arms,
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While he on her Organs Play'd.
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