A
VINDICATION
OF THE
RUMP:
OR, THE
RUMP RE-ADVANC'D.
To the Tune of, Up tails all.
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FUll many a Ballad hath been penn'd,
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and scoffing Poem Writ
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Against the RUMP; but I intend
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to speak in praise of it.
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Come Jove and Apollo, come Venus and Mars,
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And lend your assistance: to speak of the A---
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will require a Prodigious wit.
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There's scarce a Lady to be found
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that loves either Pear or Plum
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One halfe so well, if she be sound,
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as tabering at her B---.
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It may be, you'l say, I'm wide of the Case,
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Since that Musick's made in a distant place:
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I answer, the bredth of your Thum.
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When Alderman Atkins did bemar
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his Hose, through a Panick fear,
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And Captain Rea, that Man of War,
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Oh! what a Hogo was there?
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If you ask me, what praise is in this? at a word,
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The Captain so fenced himself by a T---
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that his enemies could not come near.
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There is not a Lawyer in Countrey or Town,
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whose Rhetorick doth prevail,
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Although he hath purchas'd Fee-simple th' Gown,
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but loves to be dealing in tail;
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And I may well swear by Apollo or Mars,
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That at a place called, the Oven's Arse,
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oft times I have drunken good Ale.
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And when you are dallying with a young Maid
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would you not her buttocks bethump?
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And I have been often well apaid
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with a Goose both fat and plump:
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The body being eaten, we strive for the tail,
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Each man with his Kan'kin of nappy brown Ale,
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doth box it about for the RUMP.
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The RUMP of a Coney I often have seen
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most piteously claw'd by a Ferret,
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And a Capon's Rump is a bit for a Queen,
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although she's a person of merit.
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In preaching & praying who spends the whole day,
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At nights keeps a Rump wherewithall for to play,
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be he never so full of the spirit.
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I wonder who first call'd the Parliament RUMP,
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some say, that it was Jack Hobby,
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And some, fiery Pryn: good wits will jump;
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now I write not this to bob ye,
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But only to tel ye, that good Mr. Pryn,
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For all that he's cropt, yet he could not get in,
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but was fain to remain in the Lobby.
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The other day I was going in haste,
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(to think on't, it grieves my heart)
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I saw a poor fellow all nak'd to the waste,
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and whipt at the Arse of a Cart:
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His Rump ('tis true) suffer'd the rout. But I would
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Fain know who it was, that durst be so bold,
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as to call Mr. Speaker Sir F---
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He might as well have stiled him Anus,
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since he was the mouth of the RUMP,
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As cunning a Fox as Rome's Sejanus:
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but I do not love for to frump;
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Or else I could tell ye, my friends, to an Ace,
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What good can accrew to the Land by a Mace,
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as long as the Knave's the great'st Trump.
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Our zealous sticklers for Reformation
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will edifie on the Rump of a Sister,
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And it will never grow out of fashion
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to physick the tail with a Glister.
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But beware that Monk doth not come with a bitter
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Purge to our Rump, which wil make her beshit her,
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for she hath already bepist her.
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