NEWS from the COFFE-HOUSE;
In which is shewn their several sorts of Passions,
Containing Newes from all our Neighbour Nations.
A POEM.
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YOu that delight in Wit and Mirth,
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And long to hear such News,
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As comes from all Parts of the Earth,
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Dutch, Danes, and Turks, and Jews,
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I'le send yee to a Rendezvouz,
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Where it is smoaking new;
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Go hear it at a Coffe-house,
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It cannot but be true.
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There Battles and Sea-Fights are Fought,
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And bloudy Plots display'd;
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They know more Things then ere was thought
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Or ever was betray'd:
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No Money in the Minting-house
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Is halfe so Bright and New;
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And comming from a Coffe-house,
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It cannot but be true.
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Before the Navyes fall to Work,
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They know who shall be Winner;
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They there can tell ye what the Turk
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Last Sunday had to Dinner;
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Who last did Cut Du Ruitters Corns,
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Amongst his jovial Crew;
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Or Who first gave the Devil Horns,
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Which cannot but be true.
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A Fisherman did boldly tell,
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And strongly did avouch,
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He Caught a Shoal of Mackarel,
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That Parley'd all in Dutch,
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And cry'd out Yaw, yaw, yaw Myne Here;
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But as the Draught they Drew,
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They Stunk for fear, that Monck was there,
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Which cannot but be true.
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Another Swears, by both his Ears,
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Mounsieur will cut our Throats;
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The French King will a Girdle bring,
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Made of Flat-bottom'd Boats,
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Shall Compas England round about,
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Which must not be a few,
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To give our Englishmen the Rout:
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This sounds as if, t'were true.
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There's nothing done in all the World,
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From Monarch to the Mouse
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But every Day or Night 'tis hurld
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Into the Coffe-house.
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What Lillie or what Booker can
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By Art, not bring about,
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At Coffe-house you'l find a Man,
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Can quickly find it out.
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They'l tell ye there, what Lady-ware,
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Of late is grown too light;
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What Wise-man shall from Favour Fall,
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What Fool shall be a Knight;
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They'l tell ye when our Fayling Trade,
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Shall Rise again, and Flourish,
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Or when Jack Adams shall be made
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Church-Warden of the Parish.
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They know who shall in Times to come,
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Be either made, or undone,
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From great St. Peters-street in Rome,
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To Turnbull-street in London;
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And likewise tell, at Clerkenwell,
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What Whore hath greatest Gain;
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And in that place, what Brazen-face
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Doth wear a Golden Chain.
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At Sea their Knowledge is so much,
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They know all Rocks and Shelves,
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They know all Councills of the Dutch,
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More then they know Themselves;
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Who 'tis shall get the best at last,
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They perfectly can shew
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At Coffe-house, when they are plac'd,
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You'd scarce beleive it true.
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They know all that is Good, or Hurt,
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To Dam ye, or to Save ye;
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There is the Colledge, and the Court,
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The Country, Camp, and Navie;
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So great a Universitie,
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I think there ne're was any;
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In which you may a Schoolar be
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For spending of a Penny.
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A Merchants Prentice there shall show
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You all and every thing,
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What hath been done, and is to do,
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Holland and the King;
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What Articles of Peace will bee,
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He can precizely show;
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What will be good for Them or Wee,
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He perfectly doth know.
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Here Men do talk of every Thing,
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With large and liberal Lungs,
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Like Women at a Gossiping,
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With double tyre of Tongues;
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They'l give a Broad-side presently,
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Soon as you are in view,
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With Stories that, you'l wonder at,
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Which they will swear are true.
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The Drinking there of Chockalat,
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Can make a Fool a Sophie:
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'Tis thought the Turkish Mahomet
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Was first Inspir'd with Coffe,
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By which his Powers did Over-flow
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The Land of Palestine:
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Then let us to, the Coffe-house go,
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Cheaper farr then Wine.
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You shall know there, what Fashons are;
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How Perrywiggs are Curl'd;
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And for a Penny you shall heare,
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All Novells in the World.
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Both Old and Young, and Great and Small,
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And Rich, and Poore, you'l see:
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Therefore let's to the Coffe All,
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Come All away with Mee.
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