The HAPPY RETURN.
OF THE
Old DUTCH-MILLER.
To the Tune of the First.
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[1]
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GOod People of England, I hope you have had
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Experience of my Art in my Trade;
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For I am the Miller that was here before,
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That grownd Women young, of four or five score.
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Then make hast Customers, bring in your Tribes;
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Il'e quickly dispatch them without any Bribes.
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For I am so Zealous for Whiglanders Crew,
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Il'e cure their Distempers with one Turn or Two.
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[2)
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And now (for your comfort) I am come again,
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To cure the defection amongst all your Men;
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Whether they be Factious, Stupid or Lame;
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Let's see er'e a Chymist that can do the same.
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Then make hast Customers, etc.
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[3]
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If you have e're a City that's troubl'd with Simples;
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That's over-rich grown, and has Rebellious pimples
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Il'e strip it of all these defects in an hour,
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And make it submit to the King or the Tower.
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Then come away Customers. etc.
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[4]
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If you have an Old Criple that sits and designs,
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Which way to destroy the King and His Vines;
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Or if that his Tap stand in the wrong place,
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And piss above Navel, I'l cure his Disease.
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Then come away Customers, etc.
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[5]
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In my Mill I will put him, 'twixt two Sainted Whores,
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Who shall raise his Rudder with help of their Oars:
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Between their warm Bellies, like Pug he shall lie,
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Till they suck out his Senses, and leave his Tap dry.
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Then come away Customers, etc.
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[6]
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Then out of Stew I'l hang him o'th' Top
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Of one of my Sails, at the end of a Rope:
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There in the wind he shall swing up and down,
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Till he caper and grin with th' best Monkey in Town.
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Then make hast Customers, etc.
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[7]
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If you have e're a Fop that's proud of a String,
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And fain would aspire to the Throne of a King:
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Bring him to my Mill, I will presently shew
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If he's qualified for a Mnonarch, or no.
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Then make hast Customers, etc.
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[8]
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If you have e're a Lord that's Pimp to his Wife,
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And to hide his Horns would venture his Life:
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Send her to my Mill. I'l venture a Tryal,
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To make Her as Honest as e're He was Loyal.
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Then make hast Customers, etc.
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[9]
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If you have e're a Slabbering Lord that's a Fool,
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And sits in Cabals, a Kingdom to Rule,
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And stands for a States-man, I'l make him as able
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As ever a Helper in all his own Stable.
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Then make hast Customers, etc.
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[10]
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If you have e're a Lord that used to Preach
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I'th' Top of a Crab-Tree, above all your reach,
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And still the Lords Super expos'd in Lambs-wool:
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Send him to my Mill, I'le Reform his Skull:
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Then make hast Customers, etc.
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[11]
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If you have e're a Knight that's Knave and Thred-bare,
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That deals in Neck-Laces, and such kind of Ware:
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And stole the best Plot, now hides in Bristol:
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Bring him to my Mill, I'le make him confess't all.
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Then make hast Customers, etc.
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[12]
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If you have, or had, any Sheriffs that are Whigs,
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That have cut off some Heads, and are cutting of Legs
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Bring them, and their Perjur'd Juries together,
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I'l turn'm all round in my Mill with the Weather.
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Then make hast Customers, etc.
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[13]
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If you have e're a Doctor that has ne'r a Mouth,
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But Hole in the place for a Nose, North and South:
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Put him in my Mill, I shall make him speak Sense
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Behind and before, like a Quaker in Trance.
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Then make hast Customers, etc.
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[14]
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If He has been Perjur'd Ten Thousand times o're,
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And for want of Imployment begins to grow Poor;
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I'le make him as Rich (if he know his own Name)
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As when he came mumping from Flanders or Spain.
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Then make hast Customers, etc.
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[15]
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if Forty Religions he dares to Believe,
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And yet Preacheth Blasphemy, Fools to deceive:
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Put him in my Mill, with more of the Grist,
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I'le mak him a Devil, a Man, or a Beast.
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Then make hast Customers, etc.
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[16]
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If you have any Plots, either Sham Ones or True Ones,
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Bring out the Contrivers, both black ones & blew ones:
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I'le either Refine 'em from all their past Ill,
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Or else I will strangle them All in my MILL.
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Then make hast Customers, bring in your Tribes,
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I'le quickly dispatch them without any Bribes,
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For I am so Zealous for Whiglanders Crew,
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I'le cure their Distempers with One Turn or Two.
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