The Skilful Doctor of Glocester-shire:
OR,
A new way to take Physick.
This ditty doth concern a Country Farmer,
Who lay with his maid, not thinking to harm her,
But she, poor Wench, was by her Master vild,
First tempt to sin, then after got with Child:
But by the Doctors skill, her honest dame,
Excus'd her husband, and sav'd her maid from blame,
The Doctor he hath medic[i]nes in store,
To Cure all sorts of folks, both rich and poor.
The Tune is, Beds making.
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A Country Farmer, as 'tis said,
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That had a pritty handsome Maid,
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He askt her a question secretly,
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To which she answered, by and by:
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And being kindly reconcil'd,
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The Farmer got his Maid with-Child.
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And after he had done the deed,
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His heart poor man did almost bleed;
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With inward grief and trembling fear,
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Doubting his Wife should of it hear:
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The Maid did likewise sigh and groan,
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And to her Master made great moan.
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Wherefore all dangers to prevent,
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Unto a poor young-man he went,
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Saying, ten pounds he would him give,
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And [be a Friend while he did] live,
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[So thou wilt finish up my strife,
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And take my maid to be thy Wife.
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The Young man thus to him replyd,
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Your suit to me must be denyd;
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For I will neither Reap nor Mow,
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The Bastard Seed that you did sow,
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Get a workman where you can quod he,
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For I your Hireling will not be.
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The Farmer being thus deny'd,
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Another practice soon he try'd:
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There was a Doctor he knew well.]
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That three miles from his house did dwel
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Unto this Doctor he told all,
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That did of late to him befall.
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The Doctor answered him, and told,
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If you'l give me ten pounds in Gold,
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I'le teach you such a pritty trick,
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I'm sure you never heard the like:
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To save your Maid and you from blame,
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And your Wife shall yield unto the same
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To this the Farmer soon agreed,
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And down he laid ten pounds with speed,
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The Money pleas'd the Doctor well,
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Who straight his Money began to tell,
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Mark well what I shall say, quoth he,
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And learn this Counsel now of me.
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With speed run home and tell your wife,
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That you shall surely lose your life,
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By reason of a grievous pain,
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That in your belly doth remain:
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[There is no way but you must die,
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Unless you seek some remedy.
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Pray her with all the speed may be,
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To bring your water unto me:
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And when she comes let me alone
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Ile shew such a skill as ne'r was shown
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Such stories Ile to her unfold,
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The like strange news was never told.]
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I Will perswade her thus, and say,
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Last time that you together lay,
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The Moon it was Eclipsed strange,
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And nature did her courses change;
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Mars by Dame Venus was beguil'd,
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And so your wife got you with Child.
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This bargain made, brought much content
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Home in all haste the Farmer went;
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And told his Wife so strange a tale,
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As made her countenance look pale:
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Dear wife, quoth he, I am perplext,
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Never was man befor so vext.
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I am incumbered with great pains,
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From top to toe, through all my veins;
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My back and sides grieve me so sore,
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Such pains I never felt before:
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But yet the greatest pain I tell ye,
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Lies rumbling up and down my belly.
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Husband, quoth she, I can you tell,
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Of one that soon can make you well
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He cures, as I do understand,
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All diseases that he takes in hand;
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And if you please to have it so,
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I'le to him with your Water go.
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Next morning with a good intent,
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The good-wife to the Doctor went;
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And shews to him her Husbands water,
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Now mark the jest that follows after:
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Cox-body, quoth she the Doctor mild,
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Thy Husband surely is with-Child.
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The woman she was much amaz[d,]
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And on the Doctor strangely [gazd,]
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Good Sir, in kindness now [tell me,]
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How such things in a [man may be,]
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I will, quoth he, [make you no doubt,]
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A[nd time at last will bring all out.
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When Luna last was in the Clips,
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You with your Husband joyned lips,
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Then Jupiter being wrapt in thunder
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Turn'd Venus up, while Mars lay under
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By which Conjunction well I wot,
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Your Husband then with child you got.]
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Alas, alas, then said his wife
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IIS there no means to save his life?
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I would not for a thousand pound.
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My husband he should fall to th' ground;
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Faith quoth the Doctor, there is none,
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No ways to save his life but one.
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Kind loving Sir, then answered she,
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If you will be so good to me,
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To tell how I his life may save,
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I'le give whatever you will have:
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No cost nor pains that I will spare,
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To save his life whom I love so dear:
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But first, quoth he, i'le have you swear,
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And also have a special care,
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To let nobody know while you live,
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What Physick he is to receive;
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She straightway bound it with an Oath,
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I'le keep your counsel by my troth.
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The Doctor's Potion of P[hysick.]
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Then mark me well wh[ats to be done]
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Each night 'bout sett[ing of the Sun,]
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His Supper then [you must provide,]
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Of Eggs and so[me choice meat beside,]
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And for to stre[ngthen his weak back,]
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You must giv[e him a Pint of Sack.]
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Which [being done put him to bed]
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And l[ay soft Pillows under his head;]
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Th[en make for him a Posset fine,
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With Sugar and sweet Muskadine,
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Commixt with Cinnamon and Mace,
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And let him swallow it down apace.
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When he hath slept an hour or twain,
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Then you must come to him again,
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And bring with you a lusty Maid,
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Which to his Belly must be laid,
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So let them merrily sleep together,
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And lovingly embrace each other.
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This course you must for three Weeks take
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And then be sure that it will make
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The pain go from his bad and side,
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The Maid the torment shall abide,
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And afterward in little space,
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She will bring forth a Babe of Grace.]
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And when your Maid is brought to Bed,
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Yourself must lye down in her stead;
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And because nothing must be known,
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Folks must believe the Child's your own
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Besure you take this course said he,
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And so your Husband eas'd shall be.
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The woman having heard this news,
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Ran home in haste, how could she [chuss]
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Where she did see her Husband [lie,]
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Like one just ready for to d[ye:]
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Then presently she did [unfold]
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All that the Doctor had h[er told.]
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Alas, quoth he, [such pangs I have,]
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There is [no means my life to save,]
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Unless, [you do Posset make]
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T[o cure my belly of the ake:
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Wherefore the Woman out of hand
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Did as the Doctor did command.
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A Supper of most dainty meat,
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She made him ready for to eat,
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And because he should no Physick lack,
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She after Supper gave him Sack,
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Then kept him warm within his bed,
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And with sweet Posset she him fed.
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This being done with Cupids aid,
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She got the good will of her Maid,
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To lie with and keep her Master warm
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And said he should do her no harm;
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The Maid at first seemd loath to do,
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But at the last yielded thereunto.
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And as the Doctor did fore-tell,
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So everything in order fell,
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The Maid in time was brought to Bed,
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The good-wife lay down in her stead
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The man was of his burden easd,
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The Child at Nurse, & all are pleasd.
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You that these Verses hear or read,
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If of the Doctor you stand in need,
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Enquire him out where he doth dwell,
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And surely he will use you well,
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Hel give you Physick to your mind,
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So that your Purse be well lind.]
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