The War-like Taylor:
Or, A true Relation of a great Fight between a Taylor and
a Louse, most Heroickly performed in Black-Fryars, at the sign of the three
flying Chamber-Pots, and four half-penny Loaves, at the house of Sir John
Swallowall. Describing the manner of the bloody Battel, and the success
thereof.
To the Tune of, I am the Duke of Norfolk, etc.
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ONce upon a time,
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There was a Taylor neat and fine,
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catch'd a Louse by the Shoulder-bone;
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Quoth he, I'le make thee know,
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Before that I do go,
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whether a Taylor be a man or none.
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The Louse she gave a start,
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Made the Taylor let a F-----
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and smilingly to him she did say;
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Do not strike me when I'm down,
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'Tis the trick of a Clown,
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I beseech you let us have fair play.
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Quoth the Taylor that I grant,
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For no courage I do want,
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but a Coward I always did scorn;
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I do give thee leave to rise,
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Fight thy best I thee advise
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for my anger is not to be born.
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Quoth the Louse I wonder much,
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That your rage should be such,
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against so old a Companion as I;
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But I vow and do protest,
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I had thought you were in jest,
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but if otherwise, I scorn to flye.
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Yet I very fain would know,
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Before either strike a blow,
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what's the cause you so rashly contend;
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Vouchsafe to tell me this,
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And have at you, hit or miss,
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for the best of my blood i'le spend.
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Quoth the Taylor, yesternight,
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You my flesh did sorely bite,
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besides other things I could name;
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But it would impeach my honour,
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For to parley in that manner,
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and therefore I conceal the same.
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Quoth the Louse, since 'tis so,
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That you know what you know,
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and your dignity is so immence,
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My heart is now at ease,
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You may strike me when you please,
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I am ready for to make my defence.
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Then the Taylor he began,
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Oh! so bravely like a man,
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and struck the Louse a box on the ear,
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Quoth he, then take thou that,
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And have at thee 't other patt,
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then the Louse she began for to stare.
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But she gave him such a kick,
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She'd almost broke his neck,
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by tumbling him out of door;
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Quoth he, 'twas bravely meant,
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Now I know thy full intent,
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I will quickly pay this odd score.
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From the ground he arose,
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And pull'd off his Cloaths,
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and began in his pride for to strut;
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Have at thee once again,
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For to put thee out of pain,
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I'm resolv'd to have 't other bout.
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Then he catches up his Goose,
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And he threw it at the Louse,
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and he hit her such a clap on the side;
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That she began to reel,
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With the pain she did feel,
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quoth the Taylor, now the wager is try'd
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Quoth the Louse, Gudseers,
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And she catch'd up the Sheers,
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and the Taylor perceiving the stroke;
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He nimbly stooped down,
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Yet she struck him on the Crown,
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that his head was most lamentably broke.
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Oh it vext him to the heart,
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To feel the wound smart,
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and thus he did say in his rage;
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If I could but get my Sword,
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Now I tell thee in a word,
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I'de not fear with two such to ingage.
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For by measures and my thimb
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I would make the to tremble,
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and to ask me forgiveness on thy knees,
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For this wound thou hast me given,
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To be sure Ile pay thee seven,
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for thou ne'r knewst a weapon take fees.
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Then his Lap-board lying by,
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He catch'd it presently,
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and up to the Louse he came;
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Quoth he, thou filthy creature,
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Who art so hateful to my nature,
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if I end not thy days i'm to blame.
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Quoth the Louse, Im sure my brood
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Is almost half your food,
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sitting cracking from morning till night,
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And you stitch us here and there,
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Like a Rascal as you are,
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And yet now I'm abhor'd in your sight.
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But he quickly got his Yard,
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And the Louse was sorely scar'd,
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that under the shop-board she did creep,
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Quoth he are you there?
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Come out if you dare,
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I will pay you with a Pox e're I sleep.
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And then the Taylor saw
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That the Louse would go to Law,
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Which made him willing to agree:
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And because he would compound,
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He gave the Louse a crown,
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and by that means the Taylor got free.
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So then all was at peace,
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And these bloody wars did cease;
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but the Taylor was so jeer'd up & down
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That his credit to maintain
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He has swore he'l fight again,
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if it were for a thousand pound.
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So my noble-hearted friends
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My story here it ends:
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and I wish you all to beware
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How the Taylor and the Louse
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Come to quarter in your house;
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for you hear how desperate they are.
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