A New and True BALLAD of the Poet's Complaint:
OR,
A new Song to a new Tune, of a Young Wench living in Holbourn, with a full discription of the
notable Tricks put upon her by two Cornuted Suitors.
Reader assure thyself the thing is true,
And though it seem full strange 'tis very true;
I wish such Gypsies fitted all as she,
Then would they learn much honester to be.
To a Pleasant new Tune, called, I am Confirm'd, etc.
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FAith i'm a Dog if I can guess
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What strain will most obliege the Press:
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'Mongst twenty several things, 'tis well,
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If one in all the score will sell:
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One thing alas is thought too stale,
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Another is not fit for Sale;
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Because the Poets modest Rhimes,
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Are not so vicious as the Times.
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In short, one reason is, I guess,
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They know the Poet's Moneyless;
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And they resolve to keep him so,
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By feeding him with Snap and Go:
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Another reason may be this,
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They'l keep him Poor as he can Piss,
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In hopes that in a while he may
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Be forc'd to give his pains away.
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But happen how it will, yet I
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Once more resolved am to try
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Whither I can provide a Sallat
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That will but please your squeamish Pallat:
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The Sauce is Tart, Meat fresh and new,
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The Story no more strange then true;
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Then welcome all, fall to I pray,
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Much Good may't do you, Sirs I say.
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In Holbourn late a Wench did dwell,
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Known by the Name of Bouncing Nell;
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Who Courted was by Suitors two,
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For you must note one would not do:
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She was a lusty strapping Jade,
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And one that passed for a Maid;
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And her two Friends the Devil take her,
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Were a brisk Taylor and a Baker.
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The Taylor after some dispute,
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Provides this Lass a handsome Suit;
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Some say 'twas made of Taylors Cabbidge
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Yet it was too good for the Baggage:
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Nay, this same Slut herself did tell,
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Her Sweet-heart brought it out of Hell;
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A place beneath his Shop-board, where
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He us'd to put ill-gotten Ware.
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The Baker loath to be behind,
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Unto his Dear prov'd not less kind;
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And being pritty full of Money,
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He bought a Ring to give his Honey:
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Whereon as you must understand,
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Were lovers two claspt hand in hand;
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Which made her promise he alone,
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Should soon possess her as his own.
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The Second Part, To the same Tune.
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BUt the false Gypsie meant not so,
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As by and by you well shall know;
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For three nights after this she had,
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Another proper lively Lad:
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Who took possession of the thing
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Promis'd the Baker for his Ring;
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Which when the Baker understood,
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He vowed revenge by all that's good.
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He thereupon with speed did go
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Unto the Taylor late his Foe;
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And with a witty brisk contrival,
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Tells the whole Story to his Rival:
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At which he swore he'd blow her down,
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He would pull of the Gypsies Gown;
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And the next time he did her meet,
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Would kick her up and down the street.
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The Baker seeing him thus rage,
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Speaks thus his fury to asswage;
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We both are wrong'd alike, and I
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Will be revenged or will dye:
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Let us work closely, then quoth he,
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And make no noise, and you shall see,
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We'l play a prank shall fit her well,
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And make her wish her name not Nell.
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Things thus concluded, they agree,
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To make no noise of what they see;
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They were so true unto their trust,
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That the poor Jade did not mistrust.
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They notice took of what was done,
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But thought herself clear as the Sun:
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But you shall hear this subtle Shaver,
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With a slye trick did much beslave her.
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They both went streight and knockt at door,
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As if they'd not been there before;
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And tells her now his friend and he,
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Were then resolved to agree:
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And that a Supper was provided,
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where this their case should be decided,
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Let her choose, one the other he,
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Should not controul her liberty.
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Away she dogs with these her friends,
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Without mistrusting of their ends;
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They took a Coach and did convey
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Their Lady quite another way:
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And made the Coach-man stop awhile,
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Without the town near half a Mile:
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And took her forth immediately,
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And thus began their Roguery.
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The Baker cryes I understand,
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Your Ladyship hath late took Man,
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And since you are so hot 'tis meet,
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Cold water should asswage your heat:
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Of thy unfaithful Letcherous Tayle,
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With that they both of them did trayle
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Her to a little Pond thereby,
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And souz'd her very handsomly.
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The Taylor being loath to be
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Behind his friend in Courtesie,
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Lends her his helping hand, and tyes
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Her head and face between her thighs:
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And minding to go through stitch,
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Sticks a light Candle in her Breech;
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And in that posture leaves with jeers,
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Her with her Coats about her ears.
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They thereupon took Coach, and pray
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She'd make no more such Fools as they,
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Lest the next time some other Man,
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Shew her a worse trick ten to one:
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The Wench at last got loose, but how,
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In truth good Reader I don't know:
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So sham'd she was at what was done,
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That home again she never come.
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Some say this Wenches Friends do dwell
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Near Derby hard by Kelston-Well:
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And that she is gone down to try,
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To cure her Itching Letchery:
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But others think the reason why,
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She from her dwelling thus did flye,
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Was 'cause her shame flew in her face,
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She left the Town to shun disgrace.
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