The Crafty MISS;
Or, An Excise-man well fitted.
Being a true Relation of an Excise-man, who lately in the County of Kent had
received the sum of Fourscore pounds, and lighting into the company of a
Crafty Miss, who gave him the Chouse for it all; and riding away with his
Gelding, left in the stead a Mare which she had stole; for which Mare he was
Arraigned, and narrowly escaped the penalty of the Law: Which may be a
sufficient warning to all Excise-men far and near, to amend their lives, to hate
a Miss, and love their Wives.
To the Tune of, Moggies Jealousie.
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THere was an Excise-man so fine
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rode into the County of Kent,
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And there he received much Coyn,
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for that very business he went:
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He met with a jolly brave Miss,
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her beauty was fair to behold,
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But she gave him a Judas kiss,
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and shew'd him a trick for his Gold.
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She rode on a bonny brave Mare,
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he rode on a Gelding also,
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He whisper'd a Word in her ear,
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straightway to an Inn they did go:
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He was of a pretty condition,
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ht call'd her his Joy and his Life;
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And then without any suspition,
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they passed for Husband and Wife.
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They set up the Mare and the Gelding,
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and call'd for a Supper with speed,
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Their Wine it was presently fill'd in,
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and lovingly then they agreed:
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O then they were heartily merry,
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their joys did begin to abound,
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They drank up full brimmers of Sherry
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and the Glass it went merrily round.
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He had not the sight of his folly,
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fond Love had so blinded his eyes,
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O then he was heartily jolly,
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he thought he had gotten a prize:
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Then whilst they most lovingly greeted,
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he thought he was certainly blest,
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But ne'r was Excise-man so cheated;
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O now comes the Cream of the jest.
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He pull'd out a Purse full of Gold,
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which he had receiv'd for Excise,
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And said to his Landlord, behold,
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keep this till the morning we rise;
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His Miss she did call him her Honey,
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and straight to embracing they fall,
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But her mind still ran on the Money,
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to give him the Chouse for it all;
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And while he was snoring & sleeping,
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she thought it no time to delay,
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But giving the Landlord a meeting,
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O thus unto him she did say:
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My Husband he has not the power
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to rise, although it be day,
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Yet he hath appointed an hour
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to pay all this Money away.
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The time doth begin to expire,
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then prithee now Saddle his Steed,
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And Landlord I do you desire
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to fetch me the Money with speed.
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The Inn-keeper he did believe it,
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and fetcht her the fourscore pound,
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And she was as glad to receive it,
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she neither spar'd horse-flesh nor ground
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But when the Excise-man did awaken
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and found that his Miss she was fled,
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And seeing himself thus forsaken,
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while he had been sleeping in bed;
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O then he rapped and thunder'd,
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he was in a Chollerick heat,
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His Pockets was pillag'd & plunder'd,
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he found he had met with a Cheat.
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The Landlord the Chamber did enter,
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and bowing himself to the ground;
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Sir, have you forgot where you sent her
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to pay in the fourscore pound?
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The Landlord no sooner had said it,
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but then he was daunted straightway,
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But yet for the sake of his credit,
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O never a word he would say.
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But then he was freetting and petting,
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he had ne'r a penny of Cole,
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His Miss rode away with his Gelding,
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and left him a Mare she had stole:
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For which they did soon apprehend him,
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in sorrow he then did complain,
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For they to a Prison did send him,
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where he did till Sizes remain.
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And there he was 'raign'd at the bar,
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besides all the Money he lost.
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O now you Excise-men beware,
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you see in your Courting you're crost:
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The Bill it had like to been found,
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because he had call'd her his Wife,
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It cost him many a pound,
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and had like to have cost him his life.
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This was in Rochester City,
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the truth you may certainly find,
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The people afforded no pitty,
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but said he was serv'd in his kind:
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But now the Excise-man is sorry
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that ever he met with this Jade,
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For sure she had learned her lurry,
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she lackt but a stock to her Trade.
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