The Politick WIFE;
OR THE
Devil outwitted by a Woman.
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Of all the plagues upon the earth,
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That e'er poor men befal,
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It's hunger and a scolding wife.
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These are the worst of all.
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There was a poor man in our country,
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Of a poor and low degree,
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And with both these plagues he was troubled,
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And the worst of luck had he.
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He had seven children by one wife,
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And the times were poor and hard,
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And his poor toil was grown so bad,
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He scarce could get him bread.
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Being discontented in his mind,
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One day his house he left.
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And wandering down by a forest side,
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Of his senses quite bereft.
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As he was wandering up and down,
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Betwixt hope and despair,
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The Devil started out of a bush,
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And appeared unto him theire.
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O what is the matter? the Devil he said,
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You look so discontent:
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Sure you want money to buy you some bread,
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Or to pay your landlord's rent.
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Indeed, kind sir, you read me right,
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And the grounds of my disease.
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Then what is your name, said the poor man,
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Pray tell me if you please.
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My name is Dumkin the Devil, quoth he,
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And the truth to you I do tell,
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Altho' you wandering here,
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Yet my dwelling it is in Hell.
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Then what will you give me, said the Devil.
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To ease you of you-want,
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And you shall have corn and cattle enough,
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And never pertake of scant?
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I have nothing to give you, said the poor man
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Nor nothing here in hand:
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But all the service that I can do,
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Shall be at your comand.
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Then upon the condition of seven long years,
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A bargain with you I will frame,
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You shall bring me a beast unto this place,
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That I cannot tell its name:
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But if I tell its name full right,
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Then mark what to you I tell,
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Then you must go along with me,
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Directly unto Hell.
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This poor man went joyfully home,
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And thrifty he grew therefore;
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For he had corn and cattle enough,
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And everything good store.
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His neighbours, who did live him round,
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Did wonder at him much.
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And thought that he had robb'd or stole,
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He was grown so wondrous rich.
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Then for the space of seven long years
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He lived in good cheer,
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But the time of his indenture growing near,
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He did begin to fear.
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O what is the matter? said his wife,
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You look so discontent!
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Sure you have got some maid with-child,
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And now you begin to repent.
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Indeed kind wife you judge me wrong,
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To censure so hard of me.
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Was it for getting a maid with child,
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That would be no felony,
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But I have made a league with the Devil,
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For seven long years no more,
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That I should have corn and cattle enough,
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And everything good store.
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Then for the space of seven long years,
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A bargain I did frame,
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I should bring him a beast unto that place,
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He could not tell its name:
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But if he tell its name full right,
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Then mark what to you I tell!
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Then I must go along with him,
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Directly unto Hell,
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Go get you gone, you silly old man,
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Your cattle go tend and feed;
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For a woman's wit is far better than man's,
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If us'd in time of need;
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Go fetch me down all the birdlime thou hast,
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And set it down on the floor,
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When I have pull'd my cloaths all off,
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You shall anoint me all o'er.
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Now when he had anointed her,
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From the head unto the heel;
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Zound! said the poor man, methinks you look.
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Just like the very De'el;
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Go fetch me down all the feathers thou hast,
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And lay them down by me,
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And I will rowl myself therein,
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never a place go free.
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Come tie a string abot my neck,
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And lead me to this place,
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And I will save you from the Devil,
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If I have but so much grace.
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The Devil he stood roaring out,
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And look'd both fierce and bold:
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Thou hast brought me a beast unto this place,
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And the bargain thou dost hold.
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Come shew' me the face of this beast, said the Devil,
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Come shew it me in a short space:
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Then he shewed to him his wife's buttocks,
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And swore it was her face.
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She has monstrous cheeks, the Devil he said,
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And her visage is wonderous grim,
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She has but one eye in all her whole head,
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And methinks it looks wonderous grim,
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Come shew me the mouth of this beast, said the Devil
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Come shew it me speedily,
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Zounds! said the poor man, if you're not blind,
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an inch just under her eye.
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And if she stood upon all-fours,
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As now she stands at length.
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You'd take her to be some monstrous beast,
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Taken by man's main strength.
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How many more of these beasts, said the Devil,
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How many more of the kind?
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I have seven more, said the poor man,
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But have left them all behind.
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If you have seven more such, said the Devil,
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The truth unto you I tell,
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You have beasts enough to cheat me,
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And all the Devils in Hell.
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Here take thy bond and indenture both,
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I'll have nothing to do with thee;
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So the man and his wife went joyfully home,
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And lived full merrily.
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O God send us good merry long lives,
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Without any sorrow or woe,
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Now here's a heah to all such wives,
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Who can cheat the Devil so.
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