The Maltster caught in a Trap
Or, The Witty Ale-Wife.
This Ale-wife she was run upon the Maltster's score
Full Twenty pounds for Malt, I think, and more:
But he desir'd a bit of Venus Game,
And I think he paid full dearly for the same:
He made a Discharge I say for once,
And glad he was that he could save his Stones:
He was lamfateed till his bones were sore;
He has made a vow he'l ne'r come there no more;
The Ale-wifes Husband did so belabour him,
That made him stink and piss for very shame.
Tune is, What should a young woman do with an old man: Or, Digbys Farewel.
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I Pray you draw near and attend now a while,
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Here's a pretty new Ditty will make you to smile;
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The truth of the business you need not to fear
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Of a notable Jest was done in Harford-shire:
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A lusty brave Malt-man in that Country did dwell
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That lov'd a fair woman, many people can tell;
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But if you'l be pleas'd to attend here and mind,
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He was fitted very finely and serv'd in his kind.
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A dainty brave Alewife that lived him near,
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That bought her Malt of him to brew her strong Beer,
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For he was kind hearted; and loving, and free,
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But she paid him in's ear, as you plainly shall see:
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She was run Twenty pounds for Malt on the score,
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But he aimed a Barrel of Baer for to bore;
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But he was deceived, he was caught in a snare,
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She was too cunning for him now I do swear.
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One day he did chance to look for some money,
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But for fear he should fail he desir'd some Coney;
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The Ale-wife was beautyful and very fair,
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And the Malt-man his senses was all on a fire
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With seeing sweet Babies in the Ale-wife's eyes,
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That Cupid had struck him with a lustfull surprize;
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He put forth a question, and did her salute;
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She answer'd him honestly with a civil dispute:
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For all you'r my Malt-man your sute's all in vain,
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I'le ne'r wrong my Conscience my Credit to stain,
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That I should defile my own Husbands Bed,
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To be such a Whore to set Horns on his Head.
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Thou needs not to fear, that will be no disgrace,
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There will be no body near us in this place.
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She hearing him eager, and so earnestly bent,
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Thought she, I will fit him, ile his purpose prevent.
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And now she contrives an invention I swear,
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To pay him the money, and trap him in a snare
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And tells him if he will but stay till next day
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He should have his desire to sport and to play:
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My Husband tomorrow he will be from home,
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And then Sir again (if you please) you may come;
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And rest yourself satisfied, and be content,
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Keep everything close, and all dangers prevent.
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Then the Maltster was pleas'd in the story we find,
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He was sweetly contented, it pleased his mind:
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He said, ile be a good friend if thou be to me true;
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But she was an honest woman I tell unto you:
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Then she to her Husband did tell all her mind,
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Be ruled by me, and we'l fit him in's kind:
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And so then the Ale-wife laid for him a snare,
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To make her husband acquainted it was all her care.
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Then this Plot was contriv'd with her husbands con-sent
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To pay off the Maltster & give him content:
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Next day then this Maltster did come to this Dame,
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But he was well-rewarded I think for the same:
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Her Husband was in ambush, and she on the bed,
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And the Maltster fell to embracing & nothing did dread
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But before he could his work then begin,
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Her husband immediately fell upon him.
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What sirrah, do you mean to make a whore of my wife?
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Must I be a Cuckold all the days of my life?
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And with a good Cudgel he hanged his bones,
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And made him believe he would cut out his stones;
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So by head and by ears he pull'd him o' th' Floore,
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That the Maltster bepist him; he loudly did roar,
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All the money you owe me i'le freely forgive,
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If you'l save my Life and let me now live.
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No sirrah, i'le Geld you and put you to sorrow,
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You had enough of your own, you need not to borrow:
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O then he did beg on his knees very sore,
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If you'l forgive me i'le do so no more.
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O now saith the Ale-man i'le do it for once,
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Your pittyful begging hath saved your stones;
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You say you will quit me all scores very large,
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Then take Pen and Paper and write a discharge.
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The thing it was done and they quitted the score,
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And he turned the Maltster out of the door,
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And gave him a charge he should come no more there,
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And take for a warning or he shall pay for it dear.
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He went sneaking away, and was sorely decoyed,
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And paid for the thing that he never injoyed:
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And now I intend to let my Pen rest,
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E[']ry man with 's own wife, I think that the best.
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