Thamasis's Advice
TO THE
PAINTER,
FROM HER
FRIGID ZONE:
OR
WONDERS upon the WATER.
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FAm'd Thamasis, with shiv'ring Winter Dresses,
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With Isicles, and other borrow'd Tresses,
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And on her Head a Periwig of Snow,
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And freezed Mantle fring'd with Ice below,
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Out of her watry Bed, amaz'd appears,
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And thus the Current of her Language stears.
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Spread a large Canvas, Painter, to contain
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The strange surprising Sights, the numerous Train,
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That all about my Back do walk or sit,
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Of all Degrees, some Sage, some wanting wit,
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For Crouds of People hither do retire,
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As to Moor-fields, after the dreadful Fire,
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Threatning the City to depopulate
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As once before it was unfortunate.
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Then draw the King, who on his Leads doth stay,
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To see the Throng, as on a Lord Mayors day,
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And thus unto his Nobles pleas'd to say;
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With these Men on this Ice, I'de undertake,
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To cause the Turk all Europe to forsake:
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An Army of these Men, arm'd and compleat,
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Would soon the Turk in Christendom defeat.
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Then draw me Temple-Blanket-street, where all
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The Water-men do loudly cry and baul,
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Louder than Lawyers in Western-hall.
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Instead of standing at the stairs to ply,
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They say, What is't you lack, what is't you buy?
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And whilst the Rooks do tell an heavy Tale,
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And curse the Frost, they cry, Good Beer and Ale,
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Coffee or Mum or Wine, the heart to chear,
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Roast Beef, or Mutton boil'd, or Brandy clear.
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There mighty Ice Cakes, and Plumb-Cakes are found:
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There all variety of things abound,
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Only green Pease and Cherries, they are rare,
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As Guineys in a Poets Pocket are.
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Here you may buy a Diamond Ring for nought,
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Such as from India ne'er was brought;
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(The Cuts were Diamond, the Substance, Ice,
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Which in Mens Pockets vanish'd in a trice:
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But for his Cheat, the Man will pay full dear,
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Condemned by my Lord to Whipping Chear.)
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Then, Painter, let us to the Print-house go,
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Where Men the Art of Printing soon do know;
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Where, for a Teaster, you may have your Name
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Printed, hereafter for to show the same;
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And sure in former Ages ne'er was found,
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A Press to print, where Men so oft were dround.
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Next, notice of the various motions take,
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Some bold as Hector, some for fear do quake,
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One slides, one slips, and one downright doth fall
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Into an Hole, the Skuller then doth baul,
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What will you rob my Cellar of its drink?
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When he, alas, poor man, no harm doth think.
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There Chariots fly, there Coaches run on wheels,
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And men (out-tipling of the Fishes) reels,
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And often up doth go the Womans heels,
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And something, to remember what she saw, she feels.
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The Water-men as busie are as Bees,
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Or as some Welch men cramming toasted Cheese.
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Instead of Waves that us'd to beat the shore,
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There Bears and Bull, loudly now do roar.
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There Boats do slide, where Boats were wont to row;
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Where Ships did sail, the Water-men them tow.
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All things do move upon this Element,
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As if on Terra ferma their feet went.
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Hard times the good and righteous God hath sent,
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For our more hardned hearts, as punishment;
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From Heav'n this Scourge is sent us for our pride;
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We're plagu'd with Ice, because we do backslide.
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The only way these things for to redress,
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Is that each one his Sins to God confess;
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Let every one sweep clean and neat his door,
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And let our hearts be softned to the Poor.
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Honour the King, and all your Neighbours love,
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And then the Heav'ns these Judgments will remove.
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