RALPH and NELLs
Ramble to OXFORD.
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I Heard much talk of Oxford town,
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And fain I would go thither,
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When plowing and sowing time was done,
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It being gallant Weather.
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Vather did to it agree,
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That Nell and I should go.
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But Mother cry'd, That we should ride,
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So we had Dobbin too.
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Zo I goes unto zister Nell,
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And bids her to make ready,
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And put on her Zunday close,
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As vine as any Lady;
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'Tis a gallant day, the morning grey,
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And likely to be fair:
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Therefore make haste, and soon be lac'd,
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And I'll go bait the mare.
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So upon the Mare we got,
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And away we rid together;
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And everybody that we met,
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We ask'd how far 'twas thither?
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Till at the last, when on the top
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Of Chisledon we did rise,
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I somewhat spy'd like steeples and cry'd,
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Zooks, Nell, look yonder it is.
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But when as nearer to't we came,
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We zee volks infant thick;
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I heard a little bastard zay,
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Look here come country Dick.
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Another bastard call'd me Ralph,
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And how it's honest Joan?
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Nay Roger too, and little Sue,
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And all the folks at home.
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Zo we rode on, and nothing said,
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But looked for an alehouse;
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At last we zee a hugeous sign,
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As big as any gallows:
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It was Two Dogs, so in we rode,
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And called for the hostler;
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Out came a lusty fellow then
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I wan't he was a Wrestler.
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Here take this horse, and set'en up,
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And gi'en a lock of hay;
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For we are come to zee the town,
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And tarry here all day.
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Yes, Sir, said he, and call'd the maid,
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That stood within the entry;
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She had us into a room as clean,
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As tho' we had been gentry.
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Zo we zet down, and bid them fetch
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A flaggon of their beer:
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But when it come Nell shook her head,
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And zed, 'Twas plaguy dear.
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Zays she to me, If we stay here long,
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soon make us go a begging,
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For I am zure it cannot be
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Zo much as old Martin's flaggon.
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Zo we got up, and away we went,
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To zee the gallant town,
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And at the gate we met a man
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In a pitiful ragged gown:
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As for his sleeves, I do believe,
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That they were both torn off,
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And instead of a hat he wore a cap,
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a trencher cover'd with cloth.
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And as we were going along the town,
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I thought I had found a knife,
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I stooped down to pick it up,
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But was ne'er so sham'd in my life;
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For the under sides was all beshit
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With an errant Christian's turd;
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The boys fell a hallowing an April Fool!
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But I zed never a Word.
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As we went thro' a narrow Lane,
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One catch'd vast hold of zister,
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He'd parson's close, and he did'nt know us,
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But fain he would have kist her.
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He was so plaguy vine, but to my mind,
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He look'd much like a Wencher;
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I up with my stick and gi'en a lick,
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I believe it split his trencher.
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Then we went into a very vine place,
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And there we went to church,
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I kneeled down to say my prayers,
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And did not think any hurt:
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In the middle of the prayerst just upstairs,
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Was bagpipes to my thinking;
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And the folks below fell a singing too,
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As tho' they had been drinking.
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I did not like the doing there,
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And zo I took my hat;
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I did not think they zo had done,
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In such a place as that:
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But Nell was for staying till they had done playing,
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Because she lik'd the tunes,
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But she was sure she ne'er did hear
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Old Crundall play such at home.
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Then we went into a vine garden,
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All upon a hill;
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And just below a Dial did go,
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Much like a Waggon Wheel;
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But bigger by half, which made me laugh
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like a garden Knot:
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When the zun shine bright, it went as right,
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As our parson's clock.
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Then we went out of this vine place,
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And went into another;
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Which was vorty times as vine
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As any of the other:
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Bless me! our John quite all along
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There's book pil'd up like mows:
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Vaith Nell, that I wish my mother was here,
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If it was not for the cows.
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And in the middle stood two things,
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As round as any ball;
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They told us 'twas the picture of
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The World, the Zee and all;
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And those who knew how to turn them right,
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And how to turn them round,
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Could tell us what a clock it was
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In the World underground.
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And many more things they could tell
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That was as most as strange;
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As when the zun should set and rise,
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And when the moon should change,
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I did not care to stand so near,
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When all those things I heard;
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For I thought in my heart it was the Black-Art,
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And I was a little afraid.
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The zun being low, than we began
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To think of going home;
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But one thing more we saw before
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We got quite out of town,
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We went apace, for being in haste,
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For fear of being benighted;
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Two hugeous men stood strutting within,
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And Nell and I was frighted.
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Nell had a colour as red as a ose,
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And durst not go no furder,
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They had bloody weapons in their hands,
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And stood ready there for murder.
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So we went back and got the mare,
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And away went trotting home,
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With stories enough to tell vather and mother
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And little zister Joan.
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