The Cooper of Norfolk:
OR, A
True Jest o' th' Brewer & Cooper's Wife.
AND
How the Cooper served the Brewer in his kind.
To the Tune of, The Wiving Age, etc.
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ATtend my Masters, and listen well,
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Unto this Ditty, which briefly doth tell,
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Of a fine merry Jest in Norfolk befel,
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A brave lusty Cooper in that Country did dwell;
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And there he cry'd, Work for a Cooper,
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Maids, ha' ye any work for a Cooper?
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This Cooper he had a fair Creature to's Wife,
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Which a Brewer i'th' Town lov'd as dear as his life;
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But she had a trick which in some Wives are rife,
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She still kept a sheath to another Man's knife,
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And often cornuted the Cooper,
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While he cry'd, etc.
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It happen'd one morning the Cooper out went,
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To work for his living it was his intent,
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He trusted at home to his Wife's government,
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And left her a bed to her own heart's content;
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While he cry'd, Work for a Cooper,
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Maids, ha'ye, etc.
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And as the Cooper was passing along,
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Still crying and calling his old wonted song,
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The Brewer, his Rival, both lusty and young,
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Did think now or never to do him some wrong,
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And lye with the Wife of the Cooper,
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Who better lov'd him, etc.
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He called the Cooper, and to him did say,
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Go home to my house and make no delay,
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I have as much work as thou canst do today,
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Whatsoever thou earnest i'll bountifully pay:
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These tydings well pleased the Cooper,
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O this was brave news, etc.
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Away went the Cooper to the house of the Brewer,
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Who seeing him hard at his labour to endure,
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Thought he, now for this day the Cooper is sure,
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I'll go to his Wife the green-sickness to cure,
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Take heed of thy forehead good Cooper,
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For now I must work, etc.
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Then straightways he went to the Cooper's dwelling,
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The good Wife to give entertainment was willing;
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The Brewer and she like two pidgeons was billing,
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And what they did else they bound me from telling;
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He pleased the Wife of the Cooper,
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Who better lov'd, etc.
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But mark how it happened at last,
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Their sun-shine of pleasure was soon overcast,
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The Cooper did lack one of's tools in haste,
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He ran home to fetch it, and found the door fast;
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Wife open the door (quoth the Cooper)
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And let in thy Husband, etc.
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Now when the good Wife and the Brewer did hear
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The Cooper at door, affrighted they were,
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The Brewer was in such a bodily fear,
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That for to hide him he knew not where,
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To shun the fierce rage of the Cooper,
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He thought he should dye, etc.
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The good Wife perceiving his woful estate,
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She having a subtil and politique pate,
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She suddenly whelmed a great brewing-fat,
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And closely covered the Brewer with that;
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Then after she let in the Cooper,
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What's under this tub? etc.
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She hearing her Husband that question demand,
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She thought it was time to her tackling to stand;
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Take heed how you move it, quoth she, with your hand,
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For there's a live pig was left by a Friend;
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O let it alone John Cooper:
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Thus she thought to couzen, etc.
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Is it a sow-pig? the Cooper did say,
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Let me ha't to my supper; the good Wife said, Nay;
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It is a boar-pig, quoth she, by my fay,
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'Tis for my own diet, 'twas given me to day;
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It is not for you, John Cooper,
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Then let it alone, etc.
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I would it were in thy body, quoth John,
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Indeed (quoth the good Wife) so it shall be anon;
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What e'er become of it, faith thou shalt have none,
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Why stand'st thou here prating? I prithee be gone,
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Make haste to thy work good Cooper,
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Worse meat's good enough, etc.
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Cannot a good Wife have a bit now and then,
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But there must be notice taken by the good Man?
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I'll ha't to my dinner, Sir, do what you can,
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It may be I long to have all or none;
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Then prithee content take good Cooper,
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O go to thy work, etc.
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The Cooper mistrusted some knavery to be
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Hid under the brewing-fat; and therefore he,
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Was fully resolved for his mind-sake to see;
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Alas! said the Brewer, then woe be to me;
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O what shall I say to the Cooper?
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O would I were gone, etc.
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You Whore, quoth the Cooper, is this your boar-pig,
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He has been well fed, for he's grown very big,
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I'll either have of him an arm or a leg,
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I'll make him unable his tail for to wag,
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Before he gets hence from John Cooper,
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I'll make him remember, etc.
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O pardon me, Neighbour, the Brewer did say,
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And for the offence I have done thee today,
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I am well contented thy wrath to ally,
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And make restitution for this my foul play;
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O prithee forgive me John Cooper,
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And i'll be a Friend, etc.
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If for this offence thou wilt set me clear,
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My bounty and love to thee shall appear,
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I'll freely allow thee and thine all the year,
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As much as ye'll drink, either strong ale or beer:
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O prithee forgive me John Cooper,
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And i'll be a Friend, etc.
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Oh no, (quoth the Cooper) i'll have you to think,
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That I with my labour can buy myself drink;
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I'll geld thee or lame thee e'er from me thou shrink:
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These words made the Brewer with for fear to stink,
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He feared the rage of the Cooper,
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Yet still he intreated, etc.
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This Cooper by no means would let go his hold,
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The Brewer cry'd out to the Cooper, and told
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Him, there was the key of his silver and gold,
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And gave him free leave to take what he would;
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O then be contented the Cooper,
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These tydings well pleased, etc.
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If thou, quoth the Cooper, wilt swear by an oath,
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To do all thou tellest me, though I am loath,
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I will be content to pardon you both.
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Content, quoth the Brewer, I will by my troth,
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Here take you my keys, John Cooper,
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Yea, with a good will, etc.
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On this condition they both went away,
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Both John and the Brewer they both went I say,
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Which opened the coffer where more mony lay,
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Then John the Cooper had seen many a day;
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This is a brave sight, thought the Cooper,
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I'll furnish myself, etc.
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John was so far in affection with that,
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That he took up handfuls and filled his hat;
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I will have my bargain, quoth John, that is flat,
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The Brewer shall pay well for using my fat;
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I'll cry no more, Work for a Cooper;
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Farewel to the trade, etc.
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Thus mony can pacifie the greatest strife,
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For John never after found fault with his Wife,
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He left off his adz, his saw, and his knife,
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And after liv'd richly all days of his life:
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He cry'd no more, Work for a Cooper;
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O what a good Wife, etc.
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And in this merry mood oft-times he would say,
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If I had hooped twenty tubs in one day,
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I should not have had so much wealth by my fay,
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Gra-mercy kind Wife, for thy wit found the way,
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To make a rich Man of John Cooper,
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O what a good Wife, etc.
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Let no married Couple that hear this Tale told,
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Be of this opinion this Couple did hold,
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To sell reputation for silver or gold,
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For credit and honesty should not be sold:
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Thus endeth the Song of the Cooper,
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That cry'd, Ha'ye any work for the Cooper?
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