A Cheat in all Trads, Or the World turned
upsid down.
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GOOD People now listen, I cannot forbear,
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To tell how the World's enthralled in care;
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Then to find a just Man I do positively say,
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You may as well find a Needle in a Bottle of Hay.
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What a pitiful pass this World's come to,
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Most Men have forgot to be honest and true;
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For to find out a Friend when you fall to decay,
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You may as well find a Needle in a Bottle of Hay.
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If you have abundance of Money to spend,
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So long as that lasts you will have a good Friend,
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But when it is gone, your Friend, will not stay,
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You may as well find a Needle in a Bottle of Hay.
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The nimble-tongu'd Lawyer will promise you fair,
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And says that he will of your Cause take great care;
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But to look for one, who won't cheat you I say,
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You may as well find a Needle in a Bottle of Hay.
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The Doctors, Physicians, and all the Quack Crew,
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Will punish your Body, and make you to rue;
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Your Purse they will empty, or will not long stay,
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You may as well find a Needle in a Bottle of Hay.
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The Brewer complaineth be the Malt cheap or dear,
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That he can't afford so much Malt in his Beer;
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So to find out strong Beer you must go a great way,
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You may as well find a Needle in a Bottle of Hay.
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The Farmer and Miller, and Baker is pleas'd,
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When Bread it is dear, tho' the Poor it doth teize,
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But to find out a Knave on the poor does not prey,
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You may as well find a Needle in a Bottle of a Hay.
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The Butcher is likewise a sly cunning Knave,
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He'll cheat you with sling, when good Meat you; should have.
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And if on this World you rely I do say,
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You may as well find a Needle in a Bottle of Hay.
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The fat Tallow Chandler doth on us exact,
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An extravagant Price, and blames the late Act,
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And says that their Scales they justly do weigh.
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You may as well find a Needle in a Bottle of Hay.
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The subtle Coal-Merchant as I am alive,
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To cut all their Measures did lately contrive;
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Then to find out a Coal-man that's just in his Way,
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You may as well find a Needle in a Bottle of Hay.
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The cunning sharp Taylor the Truth for to tell,
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Give him but an Inch, he will soon take an Ell;
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Trust Miss that makes Mantua's if such tricks she dont play
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You may as well find a Needle in a Bottle of Hay.
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The cursed Distiller by the Fumes of his Still,
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Draw's thence damn'd Geneva, which thousands do kill
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And to find out good Brandy in his Shop I do say,
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You may as well find a Needle in a Bottle of Hay.
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Next Cut-Throat the Barber does look very big,
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With old rotten Hair, he'll mix your new Wig;
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Find a Barber won't bite you that very same way,
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You may as well find a Needle in a Bottle of Hay.
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The Tallow man's Conscience is known to be large
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And the Devil the Pawn-broker ne'er will dischare,
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Then find out worse knaves search the World I do say
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You may as well find a Needle in a Bottle of Hay.
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There's also Tom Tinker to purchase strong Drink,
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Cries Kettles or Pots Maids I'll mend for your Chrink
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If one hole he stop, he'll make two I dare say,
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You may as well find a Needle in a Bottle of Hay.
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Next Mr. Church Warden doth walk with a Grace,
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Unto the Next Tavern, and there takes his Place
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If in Sack and fat Capons he don't spend the poor's pay
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You may as well find a Needle in a Bottle of Hay.
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Shop keepers do not cozen for to pop of bad Ware
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All Mortals that's living in Fraud have a Share,
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Find a Servant won't loiter when his Master's aw
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You may as well find a Needle in a Bottle of Hay
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Plain Dealing's a Jewel, but he that doth use it,
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They say dies a Beggar, therefore Men refuse it
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Find out one that's Upright, then the Truth Sir I say,
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You may as well find a Needle in a Bottle of Hay.
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Then since this mad World is so base and unjust,
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And Whoredom and Vice now amongst us is nurst;
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Those Men that are honest (tho' poor) I do say,
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Will be the most happy upon the last Day.
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