Sir T.J's SPEECH
TO HIS
Wife and Children.
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I.
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DEar Wife, let me have a good Fire made,
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I'll tell you such News will make you all glad,
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The like for another is scarce to be had.
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This it is to be Learned and Witty.
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II.
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First, (Butler, do you a Glass of Wine bring,)
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I'll tell you all the great Love of my King,
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Which is a dainty, curious, fine thing.
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This it is, etc.
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III.
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A Wise Learned Serjeant at Law I was made,
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And a dainty fine Coif was put on my Head,
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Which is heavier far than a Hundred of Lead.
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This it is, etc.
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IV.
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But soon after this I was made the Recorder,
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To keep the Worshipful Rabble in order,
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And wore a red Gown with long Sleeves and Border.
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This it is, etc.
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V.
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What Justice I did, my dear Wife, you can tell;
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Right or wrong, I spar'd none, like the Devil in Hell;
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But, Guilty or not, I sent all to Bridewell.
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This it is, etc.
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VI.
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Unless it were those who greased my Fist,
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To them I gave license to cheat whom they list,
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(For 'twas only those my Mittimus miss'd.)
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This it is, etc.
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VII.
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But then the King dy'd, which caused a pother;
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So I went to condole with the new King, his Brother,
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With Sorrow in one hand, and Grief in the other.
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This it is, etc.
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VIII.
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For an Ignorant Judge I was call'd by the King
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To the Chequer-Court, 'tis a wonderful thing,
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Of which in short time the whole Nation did ring.
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This it is to be Learned and Witty.
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IX.
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By Great James I was rais'd to the Common-Pleas Bench,
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'Cause he saw I had exquisite Politick Sense,
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Which his Wisdom perceiv'd in the Future Tense.
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This it is, etc.
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X.
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At Sarum Five Hundred Pounds I have gotten,
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To save Malefactors from swinging in Cotten,
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For which they we hang'd, and now almost rotten.
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This it is, etc.
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XI.
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But now, my dear Love, comes the Cream of the Jest,
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For the King would take off the Oaths and the Test;
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Which I told all his People would be for the best.
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This it is, etc.
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XII.
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He had my Opinion, That 'twas in his Power
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To destroy all the Laws in less time than an hour,
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For which I may chancc to be sent to the Tower.
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This it is, etc.
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XIII.
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And now to Magdalen-Colledge I come,
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Where we turn'd out most, but kept in some,
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That so a New Colledge of Priests might have room
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This it is, etc.
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XIV.
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And so by that means we left the door ope,
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To turn out the Bishops, and let in the Pope,
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For which we have justly deserved a Rope.
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This it is to be Learned and Witty.
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