THE
Countrymans GARLAND;
In Two PARTS.
To a Merry New TUNE.
PART I. Country JOHNs unfortunate Ramble to
London; Or, The Tricks of a Town Jilt.
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YOU young men that down in the country dwell,
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Come listen a while to my song, sir,
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While my sad misfortunes to you I do tell,
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Pray do not think the time long, sir.
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I livd in the country as sweet as a rose,
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One day in a hurry I packd up my cloaths,
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My best fine doublet, my hat and my hose,
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And away came trudging to London.
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When I came to London, that famous fine place,
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I viewd the steeple so high, sir,
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Such I neer saw before in all my days,
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Lord how they did hallow and cry, sir
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Here are fine snuff-boxes fit for your nose,
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Some crying artichoaks, others old cloaths,
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I thought at first theyd been calling their cows,
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They made such a racket in London.
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But as I stood staring with the trunk at my back,
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Being both cold, wet, and weary.
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One came up to me, and askd what I lackd,
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She was drest up as fine as a lady.
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I turnd me round, and lookd her in the face,
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Dear madam, said I, I do want a place,
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She smild upon me with a simpering grace,
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And bid me right welcome to London.
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She said, In the country I have a good friend,
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That wants one to wait at the table,
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If youll stay awhile I for him will send,
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And do for you what I am able.
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Strait into a tavern away she did pack,
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I followd her close with my trunk at my back,
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She calld her maid Betty, likewise her man Jack,
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They both bid me welcome to London.
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Miss Betty cryd Madam, you know I am sickly,
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Therefore, if John is but willing
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To carry this basket, hell come again quickly,
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For his pains I will give him a shilling.
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My brains being drowned in brandy and sack,
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She hoisted the basket upon my poor back,
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And both together thro the city did pack,
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I thought it rare living in London.
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She went by my side as demure as a mouse,
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Did ever man see such a whore, sir,
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She carryd me down to the Constables house,
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And bid me knock at the door, sir,
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I rapt at the door, and the Constable came,
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And the child in the basket began to mourn,
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I lookd over my shoulder, but Betty was gone,
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Then I wishd myself safe out of London.
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Said I, Heres a present, he said, Who sent it!
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At that I began to look blue, sir;
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Its no matter, said I, with my pains Im content,
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But he cryd out, That will not do, sir.
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He pulled a painted staff out of his pocket,
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And about my ears he did lustily knock it,
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Besides he calld me saucepate and blockhead,
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And this I got by coming to London.
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The basket was tyd up as fast as might be,
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Which added much to my vexation;
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And in it indeed was a pretty young babe,
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Which put the man into a passion.
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A pot full of pottage he threw in my Eyes,
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The People did hollow, the Bastard did cry,
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And I wishd myself safe in my own country,
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I was weary of living in London.
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I went to the Tavern, the Place where I drank,
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But Neighbours, if you will believe me,
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The Lady was gone, and so was my Trunk,
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Thought I, the Devil go with thee.
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This put me into a passionate Rage,
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I lost all my Cloaths and seven Years wage,
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This I got by coming to London.
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The very next morning, without any dodging,
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My troubles came thicker and faster,
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I to Bridewell was sent to beat Hemp for my Lodg-ing
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To maintain Myself and my Bastard.
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And then for a twelvemonth I daily did beg,
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Till I had neither stocking or shoe to my Leg,
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With the Brat at my Back I was forced to beg,
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And this I got by coming to London.
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PART II. The Jilt paid in her own Coin: Or
Country JOHNs Revenge for the Trick she
had played him.
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ONE Day as I was begging in Bishopsgate Street,
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It being sad rainy weather,
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There with Mrs. Betty I happend to meet,
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And the old Whore both together.
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Now Ill be revenged on these old Whores,
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For this was the time to pay off their Scores,
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So followd them Home unto their own Doors,
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For then I was acquainted with London.
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Thought I, my Purpose they shall not prevent,
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If they do, the Devil must be in it;
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Without more delay for the Constable I sent,
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And he came with his staff in a minute.
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I calld for Assistance, and seized them strait,
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And then to the People my tale did relate:
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They laughd at my Frolick and pityd my Fate,
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And said, Id hard Fortune in London.
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As the Constable he was securing those Punks,
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Dear Neighbours, as I am a Sinner,
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I stepd in the Chamber, and there stood my Trunk.
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It was placed just under the Window;
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My Cloaths was gone and my Money likewise,
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But believe me, I met with a much better Prize
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It was full of good Linnen, Pinners, and Coifs,
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I thought it good Booty in London.
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A Pair of Silk Breeches lay on the Shelf,
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With a gold Watch and Rings in the Pocket;
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Said I, These are like to fit none but myself,,
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So put them strait under my jacket.
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Both Top-knots and Laces I pillagd good store,
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My Breeches were filld, I could cram in no more
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While the Whores were scolding I slipt out of Door
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And away I went jogging from London.
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I scamperd away as fast as I was able,
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To be going I was very willing,
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The Brat I left lying under the Table,
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Who cryd like a Pig that was killing.
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The Constable served his Warrants on them,
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And unto New Bridewell he did carry them,
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And they may beat Hemp till the Devil fetches them
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For Ill never come more to London.
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You young Men that live in the Country sweet,
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Id have you to please your old Masters,
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And never go up to the City, for fear
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You meet with such like disasters:
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For Londons as sharp as the Edge of a Knife,
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The City is filld with Faction and Strife,
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Boys, nothing so sweet as a Country Life.
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Let those that want Wit go to London.
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