The Protestant CUCKOLD:
A New BALLAD
Being a full and perfect Relation how B.H. the Protestant-News-
forger, caught his beloved Wife Ruth in Ill Circumstances.
To the Tune of Packingtons Pound; Or, Timothy Dash the Scriveners Apprentice.
Deprendi miserum est. ------ Hor.
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1.
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Though the Town does abound so with Plots and with Shams,
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Yet I a true Story to you will relate;
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The Godly can sport too, and play you like Lambs,
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Which does appear true by poor Benjamins Fate.
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Theres a Judgment int,
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Which I cant chuse but hint,
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Because he a Lye once from *Crookhorn did print:
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Oh ye Tories look big, and rejoyce at this News,
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For Benjamins Wife is made free of the Stews.
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2.
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Your Wife full of cares, and of fears, my dear Ben,
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Durst not lie alone in this Dangerous Age;
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And finding besides youd no Ink in your Pen,
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With a Scrivener she thought it high time to engage:
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Then taket not in scorn,
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Though you are well born,
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That your Spouse has furnisht you with an Ink-horn.
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Oh ye Tories look big, etc.
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3.
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These Fines, as I take them, are things Arbitrary,
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That a Subject cant lie with his Wife evry Night;
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Young Stationers beware, who hereafter shall marry,
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That your Brides you caress and please with all your might:
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Or to some young Lover,
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Their wants theyl discover,
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For long theyl not lie in Sheets without a Cover.
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Oh ye Tories look big, etc.
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4.
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But now to the Matter of Fact we do come,
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How Benjamin leave of the Marshal did get,
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That he with his Dearest might then lie at home,
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But th Apprentice (alas) had no notice of it:
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For no sooner were Ben
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And his Wife laid in Den,
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But the Youngster began to Whistle, and Hem.
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Oh ye Tories look big, etc.
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5.
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Madam hearing it, to the Window did creep,
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To tell Timothy his place was supplyd;
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And fancying her Cuckold was laid fast asleep,
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She told Tim next Night he should not be denyd:
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But it was a mistake,
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For Ben was awake,
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And slily resolvd the Appointment to break:
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Oh ye Tories look big, etc.
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6.
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As soon as shed sung her Abi a Fenestra,
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She softly again to her warm Bed did make,
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Where Ben much enragd could almost eat his Flesh raw,
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But yet the close Cuckold no notice would take:
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Yet still as he lay,
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He longd much for day,
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So his Wife did for next Night, as guess well you may,
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Oh ye Tories look big, and rejoyce at this News,
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For Benjamins Wife is made free of the Stews.
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7.
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Up rose Ben when twas day, and the Sun did ap-pear,
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But He, poor Cuckold, was under a Cloud;
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Ruth kissing him, cryd, Wilt thou leave me, my Dear?
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Then like a true Jilt fell a weeping aloud:
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But she never dreamt
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That Benjamin meant
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Her meeting the Scrivener so to prevent.
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Oh ye Tories look big, etc.
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8.
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Just at the time when begins Treason-Fair,
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And Fanatical Rebels croud Dicks Coffee-house,
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Then Timothy did to Mis H------ repair,
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And thought himself safe as ere in Cheese was Mouse:
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For the Zealous Jade,
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Ben a True Cuckold made,
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And now hes no longer one in Masquerade.
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Oh ye Tories look big, etc.
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9.
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But the Joys of this World are all transitory,
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And alas the Tragedy now does begin;
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For Ben at the door doth cry out, Where are ye?
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Being somewhat impatient till he was let in:
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Then with a huge Club,
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He poor Dash did Drub,
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Who struggled in vain that off he might Rub.
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Oh ye Tories look big, etc.
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10.
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The Neighbours that heard the Youth murther cry,
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To keep the Kings Peace, the door open did force,
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Endeavouring the good man for to pacifie,
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Telling him, he had taken her for better for worse:
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But think it who coud,
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That Horn him she woud,
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Who so kindly oth Pillory with her Husband stood.
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Oh ye Tories look big, etc.
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