The COOK-MAIDs Garland:
Or, The Out-of-the-Way Devil.
Shewing, How Four Highwaymen were bit by an ingenious Cook-Maid.
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YOU Gallants all in London,
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If you will but draw near,
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The joak is merry, twill make you smile
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When you the same do hear.
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It is of a jolly country girl,
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That did in Rygate dwell,
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Whose wit got her a husband,
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As many for truth can tell.
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Five gentlemen to Rygate
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From London they were bound,
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And as they rode along the road,
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Not far from Croydon town:
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Four highwaymen did set upon
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These gentlemen, tis said,
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Crying, gentlemen, deliver your gold,
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Or we will shoot you dead.
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The gentlemen, surprized,
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Delivered out of hand;
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Finding there was danger,
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Disputing for to stand.
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Five hundred pounds amongst them,
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They lost, as we do hear,
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Besides, these villains to the skin,
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Indeed did strip them bare.
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It being about the hour of ten,
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To Rygate they did ride,
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And coming to an inn, sir,
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Where is the host? they cryd.
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The ostler he came running out,
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These guests to entertain;
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But seeing the sight run back in a fright
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Into the house again.
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Saying Heres a parcel of devils in buff,
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Come riding to the door;
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Some countrymen that drinking were,
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They were affrighted sore.
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The gentlemen did whistle and call,
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But none of them did come;
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At length a handsome brisk cook-maid
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Unto the door did run.
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With candle in her hand, sir,
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The girl at them did stare;
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The gentlemen most modestly
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With their hands did cover their ware.
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Pray what are you, said the cook-maid,
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So bare from the top to the toe?
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They said, Go call your master,
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And the matter you shall know.
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We are gentlemen, have been robbed,
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Not far from Croydon town:
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The maid she straitway rung the bell,
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And calld her master down,
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She shewd to him the gentlemen,
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Crying, Our looby John
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Put us in a fright, theres no harm in the fight,
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I think of a naked man.
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The inn-keeper he took them in
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And cloathd them straitway;
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And when they were dressed, sir,
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The cook unto them did say,
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Come, gentlemen, if to reward me
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You will a bargain make,
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Although I am but a cook-maid,
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These highwaymen I will take.
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The gentlemen did laugh aloud,
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To hear the maid say so:
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And said, My bonny lass, theres few
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Who down the lane do go,
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But they are robbd and plunderd;
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If thou canst do this thing
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An hundred pounds we will give thee,
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Besides whats allowd by the king.
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But what will you forfeit if you dont,
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Then, said one of the five?
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She said, My maidenhead, sir,
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Ill forfeit as I am alive.
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A match, with all my heart, said he,
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And if this thing you can do,
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Three hundred a year Ill you give,
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And I will wed you too.
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Therefore, to-morrow night, sir,
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This frolic Ill pursue.
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Not far, sir, from this lonesome grove
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There is a wilderness you know.
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A Company of you in ambush
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In that same place must lie.
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Ill drive the rogues therein to you,
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Then take them speedily.
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They say that a womans wit
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Oftentimes proves the best;
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Therefore, good gentlemen, said she,
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Let us pursue the jest.
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The bargain it was fairly made
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By the same gentlemen,
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And to the wilderness repaird.
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A dozen of armed Men.
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But of her subtle invention
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The like sure never was known
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The girl she opend a bed, sir,
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Was made of coney-wool down,
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Then daubing herself with foot and size,
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She rolld herself quite oer;
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So hairy she was from top to toe,
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The like was never seen before
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The horns of a stag of a monstrous size
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She did make fast behind;
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And upon her head a rouzing pair,
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Which were of another kind;
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With a hollow truncheon in her hand
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Which was with gunpowder filld:
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She lookd like the dragon of Wantley
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Which in the country was killd.
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Astride a cross the horses back,
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She laid herself along,
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With her feet tyd under the horses belly
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For fear she should fall down.
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Two hornifyd heads did then appear,
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Which was a frightful sight.
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In one of her hands a link she had,
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Which was in a blazing light.
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Then leaning on her two elbows,
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Across the horses mane,
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The devil to meet the highwayman
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Came riding down the lane.
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They seeing the light coming along,
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They thought it was some prize.
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Some gentleman with his equipage,
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Come let us look sharp each cries.
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One started out from behind a bush.
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Unto the rest did call,
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Z-----ds, you dogs, get out of the way
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The devil is come for us all.
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Two heads the devil has got, now see,
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As he is now passing by;
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On each of his heads a pair of horns
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In the hindermost forehead one eye
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One said, Ill shoot him, said another,
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No, that will not be well,
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For fear he should carry us instantly.
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Along with him to hell.
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The devil then kept drawing near,
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Set up such hideous cries;
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Then clapt the link to the gunpowder,
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And the fire like fury flies
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They took to their heels and run away,
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But the devil pursud them fast,
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And drove them to the wilderness
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Where they were trappd at last.
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There were some on horseback, some on foot,
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Some had arms, and some had none,
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When the devil found they were safe,
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She strait went galloping home.
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An old woman with butter and eggs,
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For Croydon the next day,
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Seeing her like a fury coming along,
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Leapd off her mare to pray,
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And calling unto her husband,
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Who was leading of the mare,
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Cries, Wounds the devil is coming along,
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Look you behind you there.
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The mare did kick and caper,
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As the devil was passing by,
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When the butter and eggs about the road
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Like thundershot did fly;
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While the countryman and his wife
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Beshit themselves for fear.
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Laying their heads between their legs,
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Till the morning did appear.
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The devil came galloping to the inn,
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Where the women they did wait,
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Who dressd her up this frolick to play,
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And did relieve her strait.
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Her skin does look of a dingy hue,
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But the money will make it clear,
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The gentleman to his bargain stands,
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That he will wed with his dear,
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These highwaymen they were bound and tyd,
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And brought unto the inn;
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Then the devil appeared before them all,
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To shew how mumpd theyd been,
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They cursd their fate, to a justice strait
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All four were soon conveyd;
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And the girls reward is a portion good,
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Which hath these rogues betrayd.
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