THE
Humours of RAG-FAIR:
OR, THE
Countrymans Description of their several Trades
and Callings,
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LAST Week in Lent I came to town,
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and having a leisure Hour,
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I went to see his Majestys Crown,
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and the Lyons in the Tower;
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But losing my way, I chanced to stray,
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through a Lane full of second hand Taylors,
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Till stopt with surprize, at the noise of the cries,
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of a hundred different dealers.
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Do you want a Coat or a Vest young Man,
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to dress in this good Easter?
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Here is Breeches (sellow them if you can,)
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you shall have them for a Teaster;
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And a plain Banjan, for Barbers Man,
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and Fustian Frocks for Bakers,
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Cheap left-off Cloaths for Spital-field Beaus,
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and Black for undertakers.
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Here are ruffled Shirts and Cambrick stocks,
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for young men to lie clean in,
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With nice tuckerd Holland Smocks,
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and choice of Child-bed Linnen.
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Likewise clean sheeting for folks to lie sweet in,
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Girls, a nice dimity dicket:
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A good pair of sleeves you may wash when you [?]
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and tack them to a foul smicket.
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Here are stockings for young women too,
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not darnd above the quarter,
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With clocks of white, of red, or blue,
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all flourishd to the garter:
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Knit hose for men, [?] boys from ten,
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with silk for those who strut it,
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You may have them whole, with their own soals
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or neatly darnd and footed.
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Come customers, who buys my Shoes,
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or pumps scarce worse for wearing,
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I had them a bargain from the Meuss,
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from a woman who goes a chairing,
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Five groats a pair, search all the fair,
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and see if you can match them,
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The shops are so nice, theyll have a good price,
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although they clout and patch them.
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Heres choice of perriwigs, wholl buy?
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Ill sell you as cheap as any,
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Youre welcome, Sirs, to come and try,
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Besides I shave for a penny.
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Do you flaxen lack, or a good coal black,
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With a buckle as strong as wire?
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These left off greys I can surely praise,
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Ill warrant them to the buyer.
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Who buys my felt or caroline?
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theres none will sell them cheaper,
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For Sundays heres a beaver fine,
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brought from a broken draper.
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You may have them at large at a small charge,
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for quaker or for curate;
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Lacd hats for those that are quarter-deck beaus,
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neer turnd but once I assure it.
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All smoaking hot a groat a pound,
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my plain or sweet plumb pudding,
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The flour the best in the market found,
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And all the ingredients good in;
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I make it neat, and give good weight,
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my pound is sixteen ounces,
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Yet by the bye, she tells you a lie,
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for all she brags and bounces.
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Heres pancakes in cooks dripping fryd,
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I sell them for a penny;
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Theyre crisp and brown, as has been tryd
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to-day by a good many.
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My sausages and blaek puddings please,
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I speak it without a vapour;
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For a penny a piece you may have what is nice,
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and Im sure you cant dine cheaper.
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Heres houshold-bread for families large,
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And stale bread from the city,
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Come buy all you that have got a charge
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of me that cant out-wit you.
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To you who buys I warrant the assize,
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As my Lord Mayor would have it,
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I hate words many, Ill bate you a penny,
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youre welcome to take it or leave it.
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Heres bacon as sweet as any nut,
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or neighbours never trust me,
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Altho they know it was yesterday but
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they bought it themselves for rusty.
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See this how fat, how streaky that,
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though cheat you while they are vending,
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And surely cheat you an ounce in the weight,
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Yet swear they give you a mending
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Here are joints of mutton from Leaden-hall,
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and beef from Honey lane market;
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I always keep what is prime at stall,
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thus the cunning butchers clark it.
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A prince may eat my stall-fed meat,
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though I lose in each pound a farthing,
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But pray take care his stilliards are fair
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or you are surely bit in the bargain.
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Here is measly pork, and vile slink calf
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in trays at gully-holes selling,
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I had rather been at home by half
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at dinner at my own dwelling.
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To sell such meat for folks to eat,
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is enough to breed an infection,
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If such folks were down in our good town,
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theyd be sent to the house of correction.
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Here are wonderful purging Pills
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Which Doctor Rock rehearses,
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Which all the dreadful poison kills,
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suckd in by foul embraces.
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Such plaisters for corns, such powder for worms,
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were never before set on trial,
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Good people who prize the sight of your eyes,
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come purchase my little phial.
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In watch-house cage I next did view
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A strolling black-eyd Susan,
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Who only took a guinea or two
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from a sailor who had to lose them.
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The impudent whore, the justice before,
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said in her examination,
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The money in full she had from a cull,
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For to please his inclination.
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Pick-pockets too mixd in the throng,
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For hard by live their nurses,
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Good people when you pass along,
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I pray take care of your purses
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And handkerchiefs for these young thieves
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neer hope for absolution,
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But proceed in sin, till turnd off with a grin
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at a tyburn execution.
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Then here and there you find a stall
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set up by young beginners;
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The houses too are rented all
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by publicans and sinners.
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Walk in, sir, here is the aldermans beer,
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And a clear Newcastle fire,
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Ill make you a pot of the best gin hot,
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Which a young man can desire.
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Some were smoaking and some at cards,
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And some were with chaps dealing;
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Some were civil and some black-guards,
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All people have their failing.
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I paid off my score and went out of door,
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maintaining this opinion,
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That no prince of state, beside Britain the Great
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hath such a fair in his dominion.
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