The Crafty MISS,
Or, An Excise-man well fitted.
Being a true Relation of an Excise-man who lately in the County of Kent, had received the
sum of fourscore pounds, and lighting into the Company of a Crafty Miss who gave him the
Chouse for it all; and riding away with his Gelding, left in the stead a Mare which she had
stole; for which Mare he was arraigned, and narrowly escaped the severe penalty of the Law:
which may be a sufficient warning to all Excisemen far and near, to amend their lives, to
hate a Miss, and love their Wives. To the Tune of, Moggies Jealousie.
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THere was an Excise-man so fine,
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rode into the County of Kent,
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And there he received much Coyn,
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for that very bustness he went:
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He met with a jolly brave Miss,
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her beauty was fair to behold,
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But she gave him a judas kiss,
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and shewd him a trick for his Gold.
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She rod on a bonny brave Mare,
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he rid on a Gelding also,
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He whisperd a word in her ear.
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straight way to an Inn they did go
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He was of a pretty Condition,
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he calld her the joy of his life,
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And then without any suspition,
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they passed for Husband and Wife.
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They set up the Mare and the Gelding,
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and calld for a Supper with speed,
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Their Wine it was plentily filld in,
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and lovingly then they agreed:
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O then they were heartily merry,
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their joys did begin to abound,
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They drank up full brimmers of sherry
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and the Glass it went merrily round,
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He had not the sight of his folly,
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fond love had so blinded his eyes,
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O then he was heartily jolly,
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he thought he had gotten a prize,
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Then whilst they most lovingly greeted,
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he thought he was certainly blest,
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But ner was Excise-man so Cheated,
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O now comes the Cream of the jest.
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He pulld out a Purse full of Gold,
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which he had receivd for Excise,
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And said to his Landlord, behold,
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keep this till next morning we rise;
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His Miss she did call him her Honey,
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and straight to embracing they fall,
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But her mind still run on the money,
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to give him the Chouse for it all
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And while he was snoring and sleeping,
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she thought it no time to delay,
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But giving the Landlord a Meeting,
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O thus unto him she did say:
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My husband he has not the power,
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to rise although it be day,
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Yet he hath appointed an hour
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to pay all this money away.
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The time doth begin to expire,
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then prithee now sadle his Steed,
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And Landlord I do you desire,
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to fetch me the Money with speed:
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The Inn-keeper he did believe it,
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and fetch her the fourscore pound,
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And she was as glad to receive it,
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she neither spard Horse-flesh nor ground
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But when the Excise-man did waken,
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and found that his Miss she was fled,
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And seeing himself thus forsaken,
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while he had been sleeping a Bed,
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O then how he rapped and thounderd,
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he was in a Cholerick heat;
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His Pockets was pillagd and plunderd
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he found he had met with a Cheat.
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The Landlord the Chamber did enter,
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and bowing himself to the ground,
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Sir have you forgot where you sent her
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to pay in the fourscore pound?
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The Landlord no sooner had said it,
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but then he was daunted straightway
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But yet for the sake of his Credit,
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O never a word he would say.
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But then he was fretting and petting,
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he had ner a penny of Cole,
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His Miss rid away with the Gelding,
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and left him a Mare she had stole:
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For which they did soon apprehend him,
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in sorrow he then did complain,
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For they to a Prison did send him,
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where he did till Sizes remain.
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And there he was raignd at the Bar,
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besides all the Money he lost.
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O now you Excise-men beware,
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you see in your Courting youre crost
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The Bill it had like to been found,
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because he had called her his Wife
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It cost him many a pound,
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and had like to have cost him his life.
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This was in Rochester City,
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the truth you may certainly find,
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The people afforded no pitty,
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but said he was servd in his kind:
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But now the Excise-man is sorry,
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that ever he met with this Jads,
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For sure she had learned her Jurry,
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she lackt but a stock to her Trade.
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