The COOPER of NORFOLK,
Or, a Jest of a Brewer and a Cooper's Wife.
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ATTEND my Masters and listen well
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Unto this ditty, which doth briefly tell,
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Of a fine merry jest that in Norfolk befel.
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Of a brave lusty Cooper who in that country dwelt,
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And there cry'd work for a Cooper.
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Maids ha' ye any work for a Cooper.
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This Cooper had a fair creature for his wife,
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Whom a Brewer in Town lov'd as dear as his life
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But she had a trick, which in some wives is rife,
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She kept a sheath for another man's knife,
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And often cornuted the Cooper,
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While he cry'd, etc.
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It happened one Morning the Cooper out went,
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For to work for his living it was his intent.
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He trusted at home to his wife's government,
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And left her in bed to her hearts content.
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While he cry'd work for a Cooper,
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Maid ha' ye, etc.
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And as the Cooper was passing along
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Ho eh calling and crying his wanton song,
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[T]he Brewer his rival both lusty and young.
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Did think now or never to do him some wrong,
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And lie with the wife of the Cooper.
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Who better lov'd him then the Cooper.
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He called [to] the Cooper, and to him did say
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Go home to my house and make no delay,
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I have as much work as you can do to day,
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Whatever thou earnest I will freely pay.
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These tydings well pleased the Cooper,
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O! this was brave news for the Cooper.
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Away goes the Cooper to the house of the brewer,
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Who see him hard at labour to endure.
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Thought he for this day the Cooper is secure,
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I'll go to his wife the green sickness to cure.
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Take heed of thy forehead good Cooper,
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For now I must work for the Cooper.
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And straitways he went to the Cooper's dwelling,
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His wife to give him entertainment was willing.
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The good dame and he like two doves were billing,
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And what they did else they bound me from telling,
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He pleased the wife of the Cooper,
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That better lov'd him than the Cooper.
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But mark how it happen'd at last,
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There sun shine of pleasure was soon overcast,
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For the Cooper lack'd one of his tools in haste;
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He run back to fetch it, but found the door fast,
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Wife open the door to the Cooper,
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And let in thy husband, John Cooper.
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Now when the good wife and brewer did hear
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The Cooper at the door, affrighted they were,
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And the brewers was in such a fear;
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That hide himself he knew not where.
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To shun the fierce rage of the Cooper,
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He thought he should die by the Cooper.
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The good wife perceiving his woeful estate,
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And having a subtile and politic pate
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She suddenly whelmed a great brewing Vat,
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And close she cover'd the brewer with that.
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Then after she let in the Cooper,
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What's under the tub quoth the Cooper?
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She hearing her husband that question demand
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Did think it high time to her tacking to stand
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Take heed lest you move it she said with your hand,
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For there's a living pig that was sent by a frind.
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O let it alone John Cooper,
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Thus she thought to cozen the Cooper.
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Is it a sow pig the Cooper did say?
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Let's have it for supper, the good wife said nay.
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It is a bear pig, quoth she by my fay.
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It is for my own diet, it was given to-day,
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It is not for you John Cooper,
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Then let it alone, John Cooper.
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I would it were in thy body quoth John,
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Indeed quoth the good wife it shall be anon,
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Whatever comes on it, you shall have none,
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Why stand you here prating, I prithee be gone,
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Make haste to thy work John Cooper,
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Whose meat's good enough for the Cooper-
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Cannot the good Wife have a bit now and then,
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But there must be notice taken by the good man?
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I'll ha't to my dinner, for, do what you can,
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It may be I long to have all or none.
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Then prithee content take dear Cooper,
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And go to thy Work John Cooper.
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The Cooper mistrusted some knavery to be,
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Hid under the brewing vat, and therefore he
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Was fully resolved for his mind sake to see,
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Alas! said the brewer then woe be to me,
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O what shall I say to the Cooper,
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O would I were gone from the Cooper.
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You whore said the Cooper, is this your bore-pig?
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He has been well fed, for he is very big,
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I'll either have of him an arm or a leg,
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And make him unable his tale for to wag.
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Before he goes hence from the Cooper,
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I'll make him remember the Cooper.
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O pardon me, neighbour, the brewer did say,
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And for the offence I have done to day,
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I am well contented thy wrath to allay:
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And make restitution for this my foul play
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O prithee forgive me, John Cooper,
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And I'll be a friend to John Cooper.
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If for this Offence thou wilt set me clear,
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My bounty and love to thee shall appear.
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I'll freely allow thee in wine, ale or beer
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As much as thy family drinks all the Year.
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O prithee forgive John Cooper,
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And I'll be a friend to the Cooper.
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O no, quoth the Cooper, I'll have you to think,
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That I by my labour can find myself drink,
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I'll geld thee or lame thee, e'er from thee I shrink
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These words made the brewer with fear for to sti[nk]
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He feared the rage of the Cooper,
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Yet still he entreated the Cooper.
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But the Cooper by no means would let go his ho[ld]
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And the brewer call'd out to the Cooper and tol[d]
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Him where was the Keys of his silver and gold,
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And gave him leave to take what he would.
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Then he contented good Cooper
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These Tydings well pleased the Cooper.
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If thou said the Cooper will swear by an oath,
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To do all thou tellest me, tho' I am loth.
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I will be contented to pardon you both.
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Content said the brewer I'll by my troth,
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Here take the keyes honest Cooper,
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Yes, with a good will, said the Cooper.
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Upon this condition they both went away,
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But John and the Brewer both went I say,
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Who opened the coffer where more money lay
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Then John the Cooper had seen in one day.
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This is a fine sight, said the Cooper,
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I'll furinsh myself said the Cooper.
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John was so far in affection with that,
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As he took up his handfuls and put in his hat,
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I will have my bargain said John it is flat,
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The brewer shall pay for using my vat,
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I'll cry no more Work for a Cooper.
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Farewell to the trade of a Cooper.
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Thus money can pacify the greatest strife,
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For John never after found fault with his wife
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He left off his adze, his saw and his knife,
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And after liv'd happy all days of his life,
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He cry'd no more work for the Cooper.
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O! what a rare wife for the Cooper.
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And in this merry mood he often would say,
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If I had hoop'd twenty tubs in a day,
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I should not have so much wealth by my Fay
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Gramercy good wife thy wit found the way,
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To make a rich man of John Cooper.
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O! what a good wife had John Cooper.
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Let no marry'd couple that hear this tale told
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Be of the opinion this Cooper did hold,
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To sell reputation for silver or gold:
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For credit and honesty should not be sold.
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Thus ended the song of the Cooper,
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Who cryed, have ye any work for the C[ooper.]
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