The Skilful Doctor of Glocester-shire,
OR,
A new way to take Physick.
This Ditty doth concern a Country Farmer,
Who lay with his Maid, not thinking to harm her:
But she poor Wench, was by her Master vild,
First tempt to sin, and after got with Child:
But by the Doctors Skill, her honest Dame,
Excusd her Husband, and savd her Maid from blame:
The Doctor he hath Medicines in store,
To cure all sorts of folks, both rich and poor.
The Tune is, Beds Making.
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A Country Farmer as tis said,
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That had a pretty handsom Maid
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Asked her a question secretly:
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To which she answered, by and by:
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And being kindly reconcild,
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The Farmer got his Maid with child.
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And after he had done the deed,
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His heart poor-man did almost bleed,
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With inward grief & trembling fear,
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Doubting his Wife should of it hear,
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The Maid did likewise sigh and groan
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And to her Master oft made moan.
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Wherefore all dangers to prevent,
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Unto a poor Young Man he went,
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Saying, ten pound he would him give,
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And be a Friend while he did live,
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So thou wilt finish up my strife,
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And take my Maid to be thy Wife.
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The Young man thus to him replyd,
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Your suit to me must be denyd;
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For I will neith[e]r Reap nor Mow,
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The Bastard Seed that you did sow,
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Get a workman where you can quod he,
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For I your Hireling will not be.
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The Farmer being thus denyd,
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Another practice soon he tryd:
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There was a Doctor he knew well.
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That three Miles from his house did dwell,
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Unto the Doctor he told all,
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That did of late to him befall.
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The Doctor answered him and told,
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If youl give me ten pounds in Gold,
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Ile teach you such a pretty trick;
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I am sure you never heard the like,
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To save your Maid & you from blame
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And your Wife shall yeild unto the same.
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To this the Farmer soon agreed,
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And down he laid ten pound with speed,
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The money pleasd the Doctor well,
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Who straight his Money began to tell
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Mark well what I shall say quoth he
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And learn this Counsel now of me.
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With speed run home & tell your wife,
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That you shall surely lose your life,
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By reason of a grievous pain,
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That in your belly doth remain,
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There is no way but you must die,
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Unless you seek some remedy.
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Pray her with all the speed may be,
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To bring your water unto me:
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And when she comes let me alone,
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Ile shew such skill as ner was shown
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Such stories Ile to her unfold,
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The like strange news was never told.
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I Will perswade her thus, and say
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Last time that you together lay,
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The Moon it was eclipsed strange,
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And nature did her courses change
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Mars by Dame Venus was beguild,
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And so your Wife got you with Child.
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This bargain made, brought much con-tent
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Home in all haste the Farmer went:
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And told his Wife so strange a tale,
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As made her countenance look pale:
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Dear Wife, quoth he, I am perplext,
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Never was man before so vext.
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I am incumbred with great pains,
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From top to toe, through all my veins
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My back and sides grieve me so sore,
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Such pains I never felt before,
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But yet the greatest pain I tell ye,
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Lies rambling up and down my belly.
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Husband, quoth she, I can you tell,
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Of one that soon can make you well:
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He cures as I do understand,
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All diseases that he takes in hand:
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And if you please to have it so,
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Ile to him with your water go.
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Next morn with a good intent,
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The Good-wife to the Doctor went:
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And shews him her Husbands water,
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Now mark the jest & followeth after:
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Cox body, quoth the Doctor mild,
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Thy Husband surely is with Child.
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The woman she was much amazd,
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And on the Doctor strangely gazd,
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Good Sir, in kindness now tell me,
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How such things in a man may be,
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I will quoth he, make you no doubt,
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And time at last will bring all out.
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When Luna last was in the Clips,
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You with your Husband joyned lips,
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Then Jupiter being wrapt in thunder
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Turnd Venus up, while Mars lay under
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By which Conjunction well I wot,
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Your Husband then with child you got.
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Alas! alas! then said his wife,
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Is there no means to save his life,
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I would not for a thousand pound,
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My husband he should fall toth ground
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Faith quoth the Doctor, there is none,
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No ways to save his life but one.
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Kind loving Sir, then answered she,
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If you will be so good to me,
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To tell how I his life may save,
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Ile give whatever you would have,
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No cost nor pains that I will spare,
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To save his life whom I love so dear.
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But first quoth he, Ile have you swear
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And also have special care,
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To tell no body whilst you live,
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What Physick he is to receive;
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She strait way bound it with an oath,
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Ile keep your Counsel by my troth.
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The Doctors potion of Physick.
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Then mark me well whats to be done
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Each night about setting of the Sun,
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His Supper then you must provide,
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Of Eggs and some choice meat beside,
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And for to strenthen his weak back,
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You must give him a Pint of Sack.
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Which being done put him to bed,
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And l[a]y soft Pillows under his head;
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Then make for him a Posset fine,
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With Sugar and sweet Muskadine,
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Commixt with Cinnamon and Mace,
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And let him swallow it down apace.
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When he hath slept an hour or twain,
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Then you must come to him again,
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And bring with you a lusty Maid,
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Which to his Belly must be laid,
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So let them merrily sleep together,
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And lovingly embrace each other.
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This course you must for three Weeks take
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And then be sure that it will make
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The pain go from his back and side,
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The Maid the torment shall abide,
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And afterward in little space,
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She will bring forth a Babe of Grace.
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And when your Maid is brought a bed
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Your self must lye down in her stead,
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And because nothing may be known,
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Folks must believe the Childs your own
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Be sure you take this said he,
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And so your Husband easd shall be.
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The woman having heard this news,
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Ran home in haste, how could she chuss
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Where she did see her Husband lie,
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Like one just ready for to dye:
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Then presently she did unfold
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All that the Doctor had her told.
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Alas quoth he, such pangs I have,
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There is no means my life to save,
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Unless you do a Posset make
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To cure my belly of the ake:
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Wherefore the Woman out of hand
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Did as the Doctor did command.
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A Supper of most dainty meat,
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She made him ready for to eat,
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And because he should no Physick lack,
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She after Supper gave him Sack,
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Then kept him warm within his bed,
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And with sweet Posset she him fed.
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This being done with Cupids aid,
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She got the good will of her Maid,
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To lie with and keep her Master warm
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And said he should do her no harm;
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The Maid at first seemd loath to do,
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But at the last yielded thereunto.
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And as the Doctor did fore-tell,
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So every thing in order fell,
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The Maid in time was brought to Bed
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The good-wife lay down in her stead
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The man was of his burden easd,
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The Child at Nurse, & all are pleasd.
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You that these Verses hear or read,
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If of the Doctor you stand in need,
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Enquire him out where he doth dwell,
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And surely he will use you well,
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Hel give you Physick to your mind,
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So that your Purses be well lind.
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