Impossibilities:
OR,
A matter of no thing, yet some thing youle finde
I know in the reading, will pleasure your minde,
Then heare it I pray, and when you have done,
Youle say that the thread is handsomely spunne.
To the tune of, I sigh, I sob, etc.
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IMprimis, When men doe beginne,
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To follow vertue, leave off sinne:
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When women thinke it no disdaine,
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To doe indeede the very same,
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Then you may say, and justly too,
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The old world now is turned a-new.
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When Newgate is a place for Nuns,
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And through Cheapside a river runs,
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When Charing-Crosse has such a face,
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To justle Pauls out of her place:
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Then you may say and not till then,
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The world is full of honest men.
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When wood doth hew into the sea,
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And coaches doe the horses draw:
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When darknesse doth out-shine the light,
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And Snailes surpasse the arrowes flight:
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Then you may say, etc.
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When Lucipher an Angell turnes,
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And when in hell no fire burnes:
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When stars as thicke as haile doe fall,
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And new Bridewell no hospitall
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Then you may say, etc.
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When men are proned to such good will,
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That they to no one doe no ill:
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When ships doe saile on rocks of stone,
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And when the Whale has nere a bone:
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Then you may say, etc.
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When what is worst doth turne to best,
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When Crabs with Swallows build their nest:
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And when Musicians scornes to use,
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Such crotchets as they should refuse,
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Then you may say, etc.
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When morning dew doth fall at night,
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And men lift crutches with a flight:
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When little children yet unborne,
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Doe say that many weares the horne:
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Then you may say, and not till then,
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The world is full of honest men.
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When Westminster doth eastward stand,
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And touches neither sea nor land:
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And when therein you cannot see,
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A Lawyer that will take his fee,
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Then you may say, and justly too,
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The old world now is turned a-new.
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When Usurers will gratis lend,
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And every one their lives doe mend:
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When the Moore has washt him cleane,
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and Turnbull street has nere a queane:
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Then you may say, etc.
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When Hens tread Cocks, & Cocks tread Geese,
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And ganders kitten like cats and mise:
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When as the earth doth beare no Moles,
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And little Foxes have no holes:
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Then you may say, etc.
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When oyle and water doe agree,
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And deadly foes attoned will bee:
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When Smithfield is a field of grasse,
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And when the Oxe doth ride the Asse.
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Then you may say, etc.
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When Sorcerers doe leave their charme,
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When spiders doe the fly no harme:
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And when the Black-bird leaves to sing,
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And likewise Serpents for to sting:
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Then you may say, etc.
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The second part to the same tune.
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WWhen men their chiefest care doe make,
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To feed the poore for pitties sake:
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And when tradesmen doe apply,
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To doe as they would be done by:
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Then you may say, and not till then,
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The world is full of honest men.
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When Letchers they doe leave their lust,
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And doe those things are good and just:
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When Harlots doe Susannas prove,
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And none but husbands dearely love,
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Then you may say, etc.
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When the blasphemer leaves to sweare,
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And unto goodnesse doth repaire:
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When old men doe incounter youth,
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And lyers speake the very truth,
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Then you may say, etc.
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When lovers they doe constant prove,
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And never daine for to remove:
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When little vallies top tall hills,
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And bad men leave their wonted ills:
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Then may you say, etc.
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When rich men doe esteeme the poore,
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And feast em till they cry no more:
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And when the streets you may passe free,
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And yet not scarce a begger see:
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Then you may say, etc.
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When servants doe their Masters sway,
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And blinde men lead the ready way:
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When dumb men talke with eloquence,
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And lame men run with eminence:
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Then you may say, etc.
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When Gunpowder doth leave his force,
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And every Pharoah feeles remorse:
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And when no sessions needs to be,
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Because all men loves honestie:
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Then you may say, etc.
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When all the prisons here about,
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Have justled all their prisoners out:
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Because indeede they have no cause,
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To keepe em in by common lawes:
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Then you may say, etc.
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When birds in waters deepe doe lie,
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And fishes in the aire doe flie:
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When water burnes, and fire doth freeze,
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And oysters grow as fruits on trees:
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Then you may say, and justly too,
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The old world now is turned a-new.
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When as the spruce and courtiour too,
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Shall bid to complements adew:
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When little Bees shall castles beare,
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And flie so with em through the ayre:
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Then you may say, etc.
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When as Zacheus shall restore,
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His ill got goods unto the poore:
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And when the Camell shall espy,
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A way to passe the nedles eye:
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Then you may say, etc.
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When snow falls blacke, and crowes be white,
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And all things that are wrong turne right:
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When silly lambs doe causes plead,
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And weare long gownes of melted lead:
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Then you may say, etc.
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When Turkes doe leave their Mahomet,
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And all day long in churches set:
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When Pagans doe beleeve in God,
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And likewise feare his direfull rod:
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Then you may say, etc.
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When men with pearle do fatten hogs,
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And coward deere doe menace dogs:
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When men on sands their seeds doe sow,
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And peare trees they doe downward grow:
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Then you may say, etc.
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When Phoebus spreads his beames by night,
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And Cynthia doth by day give light:
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When God in mercy is resolved,
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That this same world shall be dissolved:
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Then you may say, and justly too,
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The old world now is turned a-new.
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