The Westminster Frolick:
Or, The Cuckold of his own procuring.
Being a true Relation of a Vintener, who for a considerable quantity of Guinnies
undertook to perswade his Servant Maid to prostitute her self to a young Spark,
pretending to her that it was no other but himself; whereupon she seemingly
complying, discovered it to her Mistriss, who supplying her place, grafted her
Husbands Head.
Thus may we see how scurvy ill-Star'd fate
Does cross some men, nay how they do create
Their own misfortunes, yet for to be bold
The Vintener got his Horns well tipt with Gold.
Tune of, Hey boys up go we.
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A Frolick strange I'le to you tell,
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the like you ne'r did hear:
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A Vintener at Westminster
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(as it will plain appear)
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A handsome servant Maid did keep,
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which makes him now to rue,
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For by mistake his head was Horn'd;
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this story it is true .
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This beautious maid inflam d a Spark
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both comely, rich, and gay,
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Who her in vain solicited
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with him to go astray,
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And offer'd her great store of Gold
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but all that would not do,
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She would not yield to Lawless Love:
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this story it is true.
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Which he perceiving, was the more
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desirous of his will;
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And many waies he cast about
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his purpose to fulfill:
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At length he thought her Master might
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oblige her to come to,
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Tho by it he did Horn his head:
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this story it is true.
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To him he then reveal's his mind
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with promises of Wealth;
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If that he could his Maid perswade
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to yield him love by stealth.
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After some pause and Gold in hand
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he undertook to do
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The thing that after Horn'd his pate:
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the story it is true.
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Then kindly to his Maid he spoke,
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and often on her smil'd,
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That she the better by such means
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might quickly be beguil'd;
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Watching his time he undertakes
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then for himself to wooe,
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By which design he Horn'd his pate:
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this story it is true .
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At first she mighty strange did seem,
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as coy as coy could be;
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But after many tempting words
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she seemed to agree:
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But what he did it was resolv'd
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in darkness he should do;
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And there alas he Horned was:
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the story it is true .
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For whilst he to the Gallant went
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to tell him how he sped,
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The Crafty Lass her Mistriss told
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what proffers he had made;
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Who highly did commend her for't,
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and undertook to do
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The thing which hornd her husbands head
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the story it is true.
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The Room appointed private was,
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and made exceeding dark,
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When at the hour appointed came
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the over-joyful Spark
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His long-wisht joys for to possess,
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and pleasure to pursue;
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But by mistake the Vintener Horn'd;
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the story it is true.
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For why? The Mistriss was conveyed
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upon the bed there place'd;
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And feigned the Virgins voice so well,
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that kindly he embrac'd
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His suppos'd lovely Charmer fast,
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and sport did oft renew,
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He bravely Horned the Vinteners head,
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the story it is true.
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Whilst in one corner of the Room
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the Virgin she did stand
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And heard what past, the Vintener eke
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was ready there at hand
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To keep the door but little thought
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what after he did rue;
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Which was the Horning of his pate:
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the story it is true.
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For why? with oft embraces tired,
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at last they taking rest,
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The Lady who had sported long
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her self in words exprest:
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I plainly see, said she aloud,
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you if you list can do
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The feats of love, though not with me:
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the story it is true.
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I find you can, ungrateful man,
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see how you are deceiv'd;
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You thought your Maid was in your arms
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when you so closely cleav'd,
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But you'r mistaken it is plain;
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at this the Gallant knew
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That he the Vintener Horned had:
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the story it is true .
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When between pleasd and vexd he calld
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him straitway in to see
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How he had finely fool'd himself
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in such a high degree;
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At which Horn-mad he curst and swore
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and much distracted grew,
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Because he by mistake was horn'd
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the story it is true.
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But seeing that his Horns were tipt
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he rested satisfied,
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And pocketed them instantly
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his infamy to hide:
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And vowed he'd never more procure,
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what ever he did do,
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Since by his own procurement Horns
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upon his Forehead grew.
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