The Sorrowful Wife:
OR,
LOVE in a TUB.
Tune of, Ladies of London. This may be printed, R.P.
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AS I was abroad one night with a friend,
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he told me a pretty Relation,
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Which you shall hear if you'l stay till the end,
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it is the best now in the fashion:
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But take my advice before I begin,
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I'd have you take care of your Purses;
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For if a Minow by chance should slip in,
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I'm sure you'l have none of my Verses.
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There was a Cooper a huffing young blade
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had got a good Wife with a Portion;
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Oh! how did she wish she was still a Maid,
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or that there mi[g]ht be a Divo[r]tion!
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For why? he alwaies did rant about,
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still seeking the Ladies of London,
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Whilst his poor Wife at home did cry out,
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alas! I am utterly undone.
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I Have been married many a year,
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yet cannot have that which is common:
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Though I did entreat him, I'm never the near,
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still he will lye by a strange woman.
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Let him alone, he roving goes on,
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he takes a full swing of his pleasure;
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If you'l believe me, before he comes home,
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I'le make him repent it at leisure.
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Now Tom the Prentice was working alone,
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and heard all these passionate speeches;
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He threw down his Tools and to her did come,
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and joyfully shov'd up his Breeches.
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Mistris (quoth he) am I not your man?
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be pleas'd for to tell me your sorrow,
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And I will cure it if that I can,
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nay, if I shall dye for't to morrow.
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Ah Tommy, thou art a brisk young Youth,
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I like well thy amorous Ditty;
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My duty (quoth he) is to please you forsooth,
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when my Master is void of all pitty.
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Since my Master a bulling is gone,
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O let us make much of this hour;
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But what if he in the mean time should come?
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he certainly would us devour.
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He hardly had spoke, but some body came,
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who mad-man like did fall a bouncing;
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O Fire and Gunpowder! how they both ran,
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poor Tommy at this fell a flouncing;
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O Mistris, quoth he, where shall I go?
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the fright did make them to quarrel:
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O Tommy, quoth she, I do not well know;
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O creep into that empty Barrel.
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The Cooper as he was standing without
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did hear all this deadly clutter;
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Now when he came in, quoth he, whats the rout
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[Wife.] Ah! the Cat has been at the Butter;
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I no sooner perceived the jade,
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but I most hideously cries out;
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I ran and thought for to make her afraid,
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but the Witch almost pissed my eyes out.
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Now Tommy my cruel shriekings did hear,
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and came to revenge my poor quarrel.
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But he ran away with a flea in his ear,
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and ran into that empty Barrel.
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Then quoth the Cooper, Tommy come out,
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here's a shilling to make thee and I friends
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For he did think something else was the rout,
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till that they did play Master by-ends.
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