The Old Mans Advice
to Batchellors, about the choice of their Wives.
Tune of, Oh Mother! Roger etc. This may be printed.
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IF you would take a Wife for pleasure,
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here's instructions how to chuse,
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Which will prove a real Treasure,
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and which you ought to refuse:
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Here are all the marks and lines,
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All Loves symptomes and Loves signs,
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If the hair upon her crown
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Be a sweet dark Nutmeg brown,
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It is a sweet and lasting hue,
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And that colour often true.
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Amongst the many thousand faces
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that we see in London Town,
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Some have charms and some have graces
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and some faults, which may be known.
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If she have a fore-head high,
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And a lovely sparkling eye,
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If her lips, when they are felt,
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Taste like Balm, and sweetly melt,
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She is a Lass that I approve,
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And a lass men ought to love.
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But if she have a Nose like fire,
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and a Tongue too with a twang,
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Prithee Chapman do not buy her,
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least she bid thee go and hang,
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If above such fire there show,
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Think what she has then below,
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Therefore that same danger shun,
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into fire let no man run,
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Least foolishly they come to harm,
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For fire can burn as well as warm.
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If thou perceive her Hair is yellow,
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let her not be thy delight,
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For she'l love each lusty fellow,
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and will conquer thee in fight:
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Such young Girles, like to some Mill,
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Though you give, yet crave they will:
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Such will waste thee to the bones,
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Or else they will grind the stones;
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Therefore be sure avoid that lass,
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Least your ears hand like an Ass.
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If she be young and tender-hearted,
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and not skill'd in Cupids Art,
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She by thee must not be thwarted,
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kindness gains a maidens heart:
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Chuse that path where thou maist say
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None before e're found the way;
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What if it should be so strait
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That you should for Entrance wait?
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The pleasure's greater than the toyl,
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And men love so rich a spoyl.
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If a proud woman you'l be wooing,
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you must learn to bear with all,
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If she be not past her doing,
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pride (you know) will have a fall:
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if she's tall 'tis odds, she's proud,
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if she's short she'l scold aloud;
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if she's long she'l lazy be,
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And you two will ne'r agree;
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And if she be most wondrous fair,
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She's foolish, therefore have a care.
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If she is rich she'l keep you under,
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domineer all day and night,
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Rattle Peals as loud as Thunder,
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that you shall have no delight,
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What you say shall nought avail,
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Flapt you'l be with Foxes tail,
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Fed with scolding maundring brath,
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Which to eat one would be loath.
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From such a piece of crabbed tree
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May fate deliver thee and me.
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But if she be adorn'd with graces
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and be one that's nobly born,
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Some say women with sweet faces
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will exalt mens heads with horn:
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You must father all be sure,
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And whate'er she please indure;
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You must be contented still,
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And let women have their will,
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The Proverb says so much you know,
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Therefore prithee let her go.
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If bravely drest, she'l gad and wander,
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therefore chuse some Country maid,
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That you may be her Commander,
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they are apt to be afraid:
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You may bend them to your bow,
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When a nice and dainty Doe
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Shall bring nought but noise and strife,
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And torment you all your life,
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Therefore be wise and have a care,
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And make choice of Country ware.
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