Man's Filicity and Misery,
Which is a good Wife and a bad; Or, the best and the worst.
Discoursed in a Dialogue between Edmund and David.
The Tune is, I have for all good Wives a Song.
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Edmund.
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KInd Couzen David prethee stay,
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Good news to thee I will bewray,
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Since last I saw thee I am married,
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Now things with me are better carried,
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I dare say that which no man can:
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I have the best Wife that ever had Man
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David.
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I am right joyful Couzen Ned
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To hear that thou so well hast sped,
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As thou mayest thy good fortune blesse,
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I may curse mine unhappiness:
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My torments none on Earth can scan,
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I have the worst Wife that ever had man
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Edmund.
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My Wife for Beauty bears the name,
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From all the town from whence she came,
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For shape she might a Lady be,
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And so say all that ever her see
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Her middle I can easily span,
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She is the best Wife etc.
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David.
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My wife so loathsome is to view
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She every morning makes me spew,
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For person she's scarce good enough
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To cry, maids ha, ye any kitching stuff
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She shineth like a Dripping-pan,
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O she's the worst Wife, etc.
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Edmund.
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My Wife is affable and meek,
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To please my fancy she doth seek,
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My Humour she will never thwart,
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But do my will with all my heart,
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We use no worse words but Ned, & Nan
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She is the best, etc.
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David.
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My wife is obstinate and froward,
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She's sullen, peevish and untoward:
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She's glad at heart when she can find,
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Occasion to molest my mind:
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She'l have her will do what I can,
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O she's the worst Wife, etc.
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Edmund.
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My Wife is careful of her charge,
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She never romes abroad at Large,
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Her businesse she will ne're neglect,
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But bring all things to good effect,
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She's to her Babes a Pellican,
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She is the best Wife, etc.
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David.
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MY wife among'st her Gossips doth gad,
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As though nothing to do she had,
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The Children go undrest all the day
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Unless I put on their Array,
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I'm fain to make what shift I can:
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O she's the worst Wife, etc.
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Edmund.
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My Wife for constant chastity,
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Is like Lucrece or Penelope:
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She is so weary in her carriage,
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That if a kiss would wrong her marriage,
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No man could get the favour than,
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She is the best, etc.
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David.
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My wife is full of merry trix,
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She hath been nought with five or six;
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If she can but get me out of door,
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E're I come in she'l play the whore,
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She'l say though I cant others can,
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O she's the worst, [etc.]
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Edmund.
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My wife so cleanly is and neat,
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She adds a sweetness to my meat,
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I eat when I no stomach have,
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Because tis done as I do crave;
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In sickness she is my best Physitian,
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She is the best, etc.
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David.
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My wife is such a beastly Slut,
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Unless it be an Egg or a Nut,
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I in the house dare nothing eat,
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For feare there's poyson in the meat
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The Dogs do lick both Dish and Pan;
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O she's the worst, etc.
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Edmund.
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My wife will wear no yellow hose,
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No wench can make her swell i'th nose
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She knows that I to her am just,
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And in my faith she puts her trust;
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She'l not be vexed say what I can
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She is the best, etc.
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David.
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If I upon a Woman look,
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My Wife will swear upon a Book,
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That she is certainly my whore,
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Though I ne'r saw the woman before
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She'l claw her eyes out if she can:
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O she's the worst, etc.
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Edmund.
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My Wife will never follow me.
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Go where I will at home stays she,
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Though I from morn to night do rome,
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She smiling bids me welcome home,
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This makes me hast home to my Nan,
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She is the best, etc.
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David.
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If I unto the Ale-house go
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To drink a jug of Beer, or so,
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Though ne'r so fast I thither hie,
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My Wife is there as soon as I:
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If me and my friends she'l curse & ban
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O she's the worst, etc..
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Edmund.
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If any friends comes home to me,
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My Wife gives entertainment free,
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But out of doors she will not stir,
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Unless I go along with her,
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She scrapes and saves what e're she can
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She is the best, etc.
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David.
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My Wife will at the Ale-house sit,
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And waste away both money and wit,
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Nay rather then she'l lack,
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She'l sell the Smock from of her back
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She'l steal from me all that she can:
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O she's the worst, etc.
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Edmund.
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Kind Couzen David I am very sorry
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To hear thee tell so bad a story
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Marriage and hanging now I see,
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Goes as they say by destiny,
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I would thou couldst say as I can:
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I have the best Wife that ever had Man.
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David.
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I thank you Couzen for your good will
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Long may your blessings continue still
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My Crosse I must with patience bear
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Till God or the Devil end my care
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And thus I end as I began,
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I have the worst Wife that ever had man,
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Author.
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You Wives who have heard this discourse
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Now shew who is better & who is worse.
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The best will freely buy this Song,
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The worst will shew she hath a tongue:
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The head's soon broken that is scal'd,
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And Jades will kick if they be gall'd.
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