The Crafty MISS:
O r, An Excise-man well fitted.
Being a true Relation of an Excise-man , who lately in the County of Kent , had
received the Sum of F our-score-pounds and lighting into the company of a
Crafty Miss who gave him the Chouse for it all; and riding away with his
Gelding, left in the stead a Mare which she had stole, for which Mare he was
Arraigned, and narrowly escaped the severe penalty of the Law: Which may
be a sufficient warning to all Excise-men far and near, to amend their lives, to
hate a Miss, and love their Wives.
To the Tune of, Moggies Jealousie . Entred according ot Order.
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T Here was an Excise-Man so fine,
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rode into the county of Kent ,
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And there he received much coyn,
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for that very pupose he went:
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He met with a jolly brave miss,
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her beauty as fair to behold,
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But she gave a Judas kiss,
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and shew'd him a trick for his Gold.
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She rode on a bonny brave Mare,
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he rid on a Gelding also,
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He whisper'd a word in her ear,
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straightway to an Inn they did go,
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He was of a pritty condition,
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he call'd her the joy of his life,
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And then without any suspition,
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they passed for Husband and wife.
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They set up the Mare and the Gelding,
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and call'd for a supper with speed,
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Their wine it was plentily fill'd in,
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and lovingly then they agreed:
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O then they were heartily merry,
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their joys did begin to obound,
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They drank up full brimmers of Sherry,
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and the glass it went merrily round.
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He had not the sight of his folly,
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fond love had so blinded his eyes,
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O then he was heartily jolly,
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he thought he had gotten a prize,
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Then whilst they most lovingly greeted,
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he thought he was certainly blest.
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But ne'r was Ezcise-man so cheated,
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O now comes the cream of the jest.
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He pull'd out a Purse full of Gold,
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which he had receiv'd for Excise,
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And said to his Landlord, behold,
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keep this till the morning we rise;
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His Miss she did call him her honey,
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and strait to Embracing they fall,
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But her mind still run on the money,
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to give him the chouse for it all,
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And while he was snoring and sleeping,
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she thought it no time to delay.
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But giving the Landlord a meeting,
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O thus unto him she did say,
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My husband he has not the power
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to rise although it be day,
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Yet he hath appointed an hour
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to pay all the money away.
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The time doth begin to expire,
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then prithee now Saddle his Steed,
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And Landlord I do you desire,
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to fetch me the money with speed;
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The Inn-keeper he did believe it,
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and fetch'd her the four-score pound,
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And she was as glad to receive it,
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she neither spar'd Horse-flesh nor ground
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But when the Excise-man did waken,
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and found that his Miss she was fled,
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And seeking himself thus forsaken,
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while he had been sleeping in Bed,
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O then how he rapped and thunder'd,
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he was in a Chollerick heat,
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His pockets was pilledg'd and plunder'd
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he found he had met with a cheat.
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The Landlord the Chamber did enter,
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and bowing himself to the ground,
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Sir, have you forgot where you sent her;
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to pay in the fourscore pound?
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The Landlord no sooner had said it,
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but then he was daunted straitway,
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But yet for the sake of his credit,
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O never a word he would say.
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But then he was fretting and petting,
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he had ne'r a penny of Cole,
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His Miss rid away with his gelding,
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and left him a Mare that was stole,
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For which they did soon apprehend him,
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in sorrow he did then complain,
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For they to a Prison did send him,
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where he did tell Sizes remain.
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And there he was 'raign'd at the Bar,
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besides all the money he lost,
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O now you Excise-men beware,
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you see in your Courting your crost,
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The Billit had like to been found,
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because he had call'd her his Wife,
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It cost him many a pound,
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and had like to have cost him his life.
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This was in Rochester City,
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the truth you may certainly find.
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The people afforded no pitty,
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but said he was serv'd in his kind,
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But now the Excise-man is sorry,
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that ever he met with this Made;
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For sure he had learned her lurry,
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she lackt but a stock to her trade.
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