The Jolly Cheese-Monger;
Or, the Presbyterian Follies plainly Discovered; together, with his Wifes
Consulting the Cunning Man of her Husbands Non-performance of Family Duty.
To the Tune of, The Scotch Haymakers.
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HEre's a pleasant Ditty I'll Sing you, if you please,
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'Tis of a Paesbyterian that dealt in Rotten Cheese,
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Nay, and Female Flesh to boot, Oh! He sweetly would Salute
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The Girls at pleasaure, out of measure; and without Dispute,
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He would make sure of each Maiden-Head,
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Sometimes whilst his sweet Wife she was sleeping in her Bed;
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He fairly Laid them down, in Silk or Russet Gown,
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A loving Brother, such another scarce is in the Town.
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Friends this Presbyterian was alwaies so Devout,
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That he Obtain'd his end, when the same he went about;
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Having such a Cunning way, that they could not say him nay,
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For as he Enter'd, soon they Ventur'd for to Sport and Play:
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Until their Aprons grew short before
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And thus it seems he serv'd about Ten or Twelve or more,
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For faith he'd lay them down, in Silk for Russet Gown,
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A loving Brother, such another scarce is in the Town.
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If a Youthful Damsel, once came to live with him,
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Before a Month was ended, he'd Stroak her Limb by Limb;
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Tho' she cry'd out Fye for Shame, Master Master O my Dame!
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'Tis all a case Sir, he'd Embrace her and pursue the Game:
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Till he had Cropt the Dear Virgin Rose,
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It pleas'd the Pritty Girls loving Friends we may Suppose,
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For faith he'd lay them down, in Silk or Russet Gown,
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A loving Brother, such another scarce is in the Town.
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Thus with Pretty Lasses he Lavisht all his Store,
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And had not Pleas'd his Wife for a year or two or more;
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Neither morning noon nor night, could she have the least delight
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This truly Vext her and Perplext her, very well it might:
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Because she could not enjoy a Crumb,
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For when to Bed he came straight to her he turn'd his BUM,
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And would not lay her down, this made the Woman Frown,
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A Wicked Brother, such another scarce is in the Town.
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Oh this Non-performance did persecute her mind,
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Poor Creature she was troubled that he was so unkind;
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Being full of discontent to a Cunning Man she went,
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To know the reason such a season should her joys prevent,
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The Cunning Man made her this Reply,
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A Charm lyes in his Breeches which does your joys deny;
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Oh! Break the Charms she cry'd you shall be satisfy'd
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This Guinea take it, if you break it, twenty more beside.
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Mistress never doubt it I'll break the Cunning Charm,
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I thank ye, yet be careful you do his things no harm,
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No I wont upon my life as you a're a Married Wife,
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You need not fear me all that's near me knows my skill is rife
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Home she returned yet ne'retheless;
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Her Presbyterian Husband the Damsels did carress,
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He fairly laid them down in Silk or Russet Gown, etc.
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While he us'd this Practice when ever he discern'd,
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Their Bellies grow incepit, he gave them what they'd earn'd
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And a Crown or two beside, if they would be satisfy'd,
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But this Disaster of the Master Nancy would not hide,
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But made him keep her the Lying-in,
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And take her Child to boot oh, this made a horrid Din,
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The Wife began to frown and cust him up and down, etc.
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From the very Pulpit the Honest Preacher he,
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Gave him a sharp Reproof for his gross Debauchery;
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Nay before the Bretheren he declar d it was a sin,
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Yet being tardy he was hardy thus thro' thick and thin,
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He was resolved henceforth to run,
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And ne're the least Repented the deed which he had done,
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But fairly laid them down in Silk and Russet Gown, etc.
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Quoth his Wife now I find the Charm that kept him back,
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From yielding me the Pleasure that I so long did lack,
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I might well be served so when he did to others go,
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It is a pitty one that's pritty should be kept so low,
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Yet if he does not pay this old score,
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I'll fit him for his fancy, but Mum for that no more;
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I'd make him lay me down or else on him I'll frown,
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A wicked Brother, such another scarce is in the Town.
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