A wonder in Kent:
Of the admirable stomacke of one Nicholas Wood, dwelling at Harrisom in the Coun-
ty of Kent.
The like of him was never heard,
As in this Ditty is declar'd.
To the tune of, The maunding Souldier.
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ALL you that valiant fellowes be,
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I pray give eare a while to me,
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I tell you of a Champion bold,
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That fights not for the fame of gold,
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but for good belly cheare,
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as well it doth appeare,
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the like wherof you nere did heare.
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none may with him compare,
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as I will here declare,
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the like lives not I dare to sweare.
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In Kent this fellow now doth live,
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At Harrisom as report doth give,
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His Name is called Nicholas Wood,
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As I for truth have understood,
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well knowne by men of fame,
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his worth and name,
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that well can justifie the same,
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some Gentlemen and Knights,
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to satisfie delights,
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have sent for Wood to see his sleights.
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He is not like these puling ones,
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That sits an houre picking bones,
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A Sheepe or Calfe thats worth a Marke,
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On them heele bravely fall to worke,
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or if a Hogge it be,
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all's one quoth he,
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in one houres space you none shall see,
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his stomacke is so strong,
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nothing will doe him wrong,
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the Devill is sure his guts among.
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What talke I of a Sheepe or Calfe,
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Alas these exploits are not halfe,
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A Hogs a thing that much will eate,
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Fish, Flesh, Fowles, Frogges, or such like meat,
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yet Wood is of such power,
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that he within an houre
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a good fat Hogge he did devoure,
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his like was never none
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as plainely may be shone,
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not one like him was ever known.
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After that he had eat this Hogge,
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I doe not meane to lye nor cogge,
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Three pecks of Damseks he did eat,
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For to digest his Swinish meat,
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Another time beside,
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he being tride:
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seven dozen of Rabbets he destroy'd,
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likewise he tooke in hand,
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to eat a Fleath of Brawne
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as soone as from the Bore twas drawne,
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At Sir William Sidleyes house he eat,
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As men of credit doe repeat,
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As much as thorowly would suffice.
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Full thirty men, Oh gurmundize,
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but then unto the fire,
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he did retire,
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and for some grease he did desire.
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thinking his belly he
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would breake immediately
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unlesse he had speedy remedy,
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A quarter of a good fat Lambe,
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And threescore Egges he overcame,
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And eighteene yards of blacke pudding,
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And a raw Ducke all but Bill and Wing,
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and after he had din'd,
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as I doe find,
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he longed for Cherries that bravely shined
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the threescore pound they brought,
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which he consumed to nought,
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a thing unpossible me thought,
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His mighty paunch doth harbour all,
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Sheepe, Hoggs or Calves, tis like a stall,
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A Parke it is likewise for Deare,
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And Conneyes gray, or silver haire
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a storehouse tis besides
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whereas he hides
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all kind of fruits that him betides
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Cheese, Buttermilke and Whey,
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he bringeth in that way,
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thus he brings all quite to decay.
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The second part. To the same tune.
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THe Norfolke Dumpling he ore came,
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The Devonshire white-pot he made lame
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The bag-pudding of Glocester
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The blackepudding of Wostershire,
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the Shrop-shire pan-pudding,
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and such gutting,
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and Somersetshire white-pudding,
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or any other Shire,
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their puddings heele not feare
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none may with Nicholas Wood compare:
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The Clothiers that in Kent doe dwell,
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In Sussex of this man did tel,
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To some o' the chiefest yeomen there,
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Who greatly mused when they did heare,
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and ofred presently
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that they would lay,
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a hundred pound of good money,
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that he could not devoure,
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a whole calfe in an houer,
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they thought it was not in his power.
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The wager thus betwixt them laid,
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The Sussex men grew sore afraid,
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And of their match they did repent,
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Desiring that they might recant,
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the kentish men did say,
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that they should pay,
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ten pounds or stand the match and day,
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then so they did agree,
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and spent it merrily,
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but Wood mist of their company.
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A Gentleman by chance did come,
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Where friends of his was in the roome
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And they were all at diner set.
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But he with them eate not a bit,
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when the reckoning was paid,
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the tapster said
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that twelve pence more must be defraid
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by him that last came in,
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which had not at diner ben
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whereat the Gentleman in spleene.
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Did pay the same and said no more,
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But after plagued them therefore,
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An other time he did come there,
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And brought Wood with him to a faire
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then to the Inne he went,
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whereas he spent,
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a shilling once by ill consent
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and telling Wood his mind,
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being thus inilin'd,
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to call much meat & leave Wood behind
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Come hostes quickly let be brought
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As much good meat as may be thought
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To satisfie a dozen men,
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The hostes quickly sent it in
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come sit downe Wood quoth he,
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and Ile goe see,
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for some more of our company,
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but ere hee came agen,
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the tapster he came in
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thinking the devill there had ben.
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The tapster did his Mistris call,
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And said the man had eat by all,
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Then into th'roome she came with speed,
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And found the same was true indeed,
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then she began to sweare
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and pull and teare
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with Wood for money for his fare
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and he said he was willing,
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to pay her downe a shilling
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he fitted her for former dealing.
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Two Citizens from London went,
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To see this Wood was their intent,
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And being come to Harrisom,
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They sent for him into the roome,
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for all the victuals they
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did call and pay,
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that was within the house that day,
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and wished goodman Wood,
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to fall unto his food
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I marry quoth he that is good.
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These Citizens found him to be,
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So strange the like they ne'r did see,
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Desiring him that he would goe,
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To London, he resolved so,
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then at the last he said,
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he was a fraid
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the same to'th King should be beraid;
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and so he hang'd might be,
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therefore this thought had he,
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tis best staying in Kent for me.
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His porrige boule is full two pecks,
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He is not of the weakest sexe,
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Good Ale graines some times he doth eate,
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For want of other sort of meat,
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I doe not tell no lye,
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those that will further try,
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a booke of him likewise may buy,
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where much more is declared,
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as I have read and heard
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none like to him may be compared.
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FINIS. R. C.
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