The Cooper of Norfolk.
[O]R, A pretty jest of a Brewer and the Coopers Wife, and how the Cooper served the Brewer in's kind.
To the Tune of, The Wiving Age.
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ATtend my Masters and listen well,
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Unto this Ditty, which briefly doth tell,
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Of a fine merry jest in Norfolk befell,
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A brave lusty Cooper in that Country did dwell:
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And there he cry'd work for a Cooper,
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Maids ha'ye any work for a Cooper.
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This Cooper he had a fair creature to's wife,
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Which a Brewer i'th town lov'd as dear as his life,
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But she had a trick which in some wives are rife,
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She still kept a Sheath to another Mans knife;
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And often cornuted the Cooper,
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While he cry'd, etc.
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It happen'd one morning the Cooper out went,
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To work for his living it was his intent,
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He trusted at home to his Wives government,
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And left her a bed to her own hearts content;
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While he cry'd more work for a Cooper,
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Maids ha'ye, etc.
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And as the Cooper was passing along,
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Still crying and calling his old wonted Song,
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The Brewer his Rival both lusty and young,
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Did think now or never to do him some wrong,
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And lye with the Wife of the Cooper,
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Who better lov'd him, etc.
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He called the Cooper and to him did say,
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Go home to my house and make no delay,
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I have as much work as thou canst do to day,
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Whatsoever thou earnest i'le bountifully pay;
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These tydings well pleased the Cooper,
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O this was brave News for the Cooper.
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Away went the Cooper to the house of the Brewer
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Who seeing him hard at his labour to endure,
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Thought he now for this day the Cooper is sure,
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I'le go to his wife the green Sickness to cure,
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Take heed of thy forehead good Cooper,
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For now I must work for the Cooper.
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The straightway he went to the Coopers dwelling
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The good Wife to give entertainment was willing
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The brewer and she l[i]ke two Pidgeons was billing
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And what they did else they bound me from telling,
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He pleased the Wife of the Cooper,
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Who better lov'd, etc.
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But mark how it happened at the last,
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Their Sun-shine of peasure was soon overcast,
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The Cooper did lack one of's tools in haste,
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He ran home to fetch it, and found the door fast,
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Wife open the door (quoth the Cooper)
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And let in thy husband, etc.
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Now when the good Wife and the Brewer did hear
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The Cooper at door, affrighted they were,
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The Brewer was in such a bodily fear,
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That for to hide him he knew not where,
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To shun the fierce Rage of the Cooper,
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He thought he should dye by the Cooper.
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The good Wife perceiving his woful estate,
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She having a subtil and politicke pate,
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She suddenly whelmed a great Brewing fat,
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And closely covered the Brewer with that;
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Then after she let in the Cooper,
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What's under this Tub (quoth the Cooper)
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SHe hearing her husband that question demand,
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she thought it was time to her tackling to stand
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Take heed how you move it quod she with your hand
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For there's a live Pig was left by friend,
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O let it alone John Cooper,
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Thus she thought to cousen the Cooper.
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Is it a Sow, Pig the Cooper did say,
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Let me ha't to my supper, the good wife said nay,
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It is a Boar Pig, quoth she, by my fay,
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'Tis for my own diet, twas given me to day,
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It is not for you John Cooper,
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Then let it alone John Cooper.
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I would it were in thy body, quoth John,
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Indeed (quoth the good wife) so it shall be anon,
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What e're become of it, faith thou shalt have none,
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Why standst thou here prating, I prithee be gone,
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Make haste to thy work good Cooper,
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Worse meat's, good enough for a Cooper.
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Cannot a good wife have a bit now and then,
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But there must be notice taken by the good man;
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I'le ha't to my dinner Sir do what you can,
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It may be I long to have all or none:
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Then prithee content take good Cooper,
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O go to thy work, etc.
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The Cooper mistrusted some Knavery to be,
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Hid under the Brewing Fat, and therefore he,
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Was fully resolved for his mind sake to see,
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Alas! said the Brewer then woe be to me;
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O what shall I say to the Cooper,
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I would I were gone, etc.
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You whore, quoth the cooper, is this your boar-pig,
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He has been well fed for he's grown very big,
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I'le either have of him an arm or a Leg,
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I'le make him unable his tail for to wag
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Before he gets hence from John Cooper,
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I'le make him remember, etc.
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O pardon me neighbour, the Brewer did say,
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And for the offence I have done thee to day,
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I am well contented thy wrath to allay,
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And make restitution for this my foul play,
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I prithee forgive me John Cooper,
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And i'le be a friend, etc.
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If for this offence thou wilt set me clear,
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My bounty and love to thee shall appear,
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I'le freely allow thee and thine all the year,
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As much as ye'l drink, either strong Ale or Beer,
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O prithee forgive me John Cooper,
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And i'le be a friend to the Cooper.
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Oh no (quoth the Cooper) i'le have you to think,
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That I with my Labour can buy my self drink,
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I'le geld thee or lame thee e're from me thou shrink
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The words made the Brewer with fear for to stink
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He feared the rage of the Cooper,
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Yet still he intreated, etc.
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This Cooper by no means would let go his hold,
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The Brewer cry'd out to the Cooper, and told
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Him there was the key of his silver and gold,
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And gave him free leave to take what he would,
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O then he contented the Cooper,
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These tydings well pleased, etc.
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If thou, quoth the Cooper, wilt swear by an oath,
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To do all thou tellest me, though I am loath,
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I will be content to pardon you both,
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Content quoth the Brewer, I will by my troth,
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Here take thou my keys John Cooper,
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Yea with a good will quoth the Cooper.
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On this condition they both went away,
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Both John and the Brewer they both went I say,
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Which opened the Coffer where more money lay,
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Then John the Cooper had seen many a day;
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This is a brave fight thought the Cooper,
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I'le furnish my self, etc.
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John was so far in affection with that,
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That he took up handfuls and filled his hat,
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I will have my bargain, quoth John, that is flat,
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The Brewer shall pay well for using my Fat;
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I'le cry no more work for a Cooper,
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Farewell to the trade, etc.
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Thus money can pacifie the greatest strife,
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For John never after found fault with his wife,
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He left off his Adz, his Saw, and his Knife,
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And after liv'd richly all days of his life:
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He cry'd no more work for a Cooper,
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O what a good wife, etc.
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And in this merry mood oft times he would say,
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If I had hooped twenty Tubs in one day;
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I should not have got so much wealth by my fay,
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Gramercy kind Wife, for thy wit found the way,
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To make a rich man of John Cooper,
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O what a good Wife, etc.
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Let no Married couple that hear this Tale told,
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Be of this opinion this couple did hold,
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To sell reputation for Silver or Gold,
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For Credit and honesty should not be sold;
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Thus endeth the Song of the Cooper,
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That cry'd ha'ye any work for a Cooper.
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