The Cooper of Norfolke:
OR ,
A pretty Jest of a Brewer, and the Coopers wife: and how the Cooper served the
Brewer in his kinde. To the tune of The wiving age.
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A Ttend my masters, and listen well
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Unto this my ditty, which briefly doth tell
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Of a fine mery Jest which in Norfolke befell
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A brave lusty Cooper in that Country did dwell,
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And there he cride worke for a Cooper,
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Maids ha'y any worke for a Cooper.
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This Cooper he had a faire creature to's wife
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Which a Brewer ith' towne lov'd as deare as his life,
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But she had a tricke which in some wives is rife,
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She still kept a sheath for another mans knife,
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And often cornuted the Cooper,
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while he cri'd, more worke for a Cooper.
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It hapen'd one morning the Cooper out went,
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To worke for his living it was his intent,
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He trusted his house to his wives government,
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And left her in bed to her owns hearts content,
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while he cri'd, what worke for a Cooper,
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Maids ha'y any worke for a Cooper.
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And as the Cooper was passing a long,
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Stil crying and calling his old wonted song,
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The Brewer, his rivall, both lusty and yong,
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Did thinke now or never to doe him some wrong,
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and lie with the wife of the Cooper,
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who better lov'd him then the Cooper,
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So calling the Cooper, he to him did say,
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Goe home to my house, and make no delay,
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I have so much worke as thou canst doe to day,
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What ever thou earnest, Ile bountifully pay,
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these tydings well pleased the Cooper,
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oh this was brave newes for the Cooper.
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Away went the Cooper to th' house of the Brewer,
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Who seeing him hard at his worke to endure,
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Thought he, now for this day the Cooper is sure,
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Ile goe to his wife the greene sicknesse to cure,
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take heed of your fore-head, good Cooper.
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for now I must worke for the Cooper.
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So strait waies he went to the Coopers dwelling,
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The good wife to give entertainment was willing:
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The Brewer & she like to Pigeons were billing,
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& what they did else they have bound me from telling:
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he pleased the wife of the Cooper,
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who better lov'd him then the Cooper.
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But marke how it happened now at the last,
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Their sun-shine of pleasures was soone over-cast,
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The Cooper did lacke one of's Tooles and in hast,
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He came home to fetch it, and found the doore fast:
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Wife, open the doore, quoth the Cooper,
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and let thy husband the Cooper.
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Now when the good-wife and the Brewer did heare,
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The Cooper at doore, affrighted they were,
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The Brewer was in such a bodily feare,
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That for to hide himselfe, he knew not where,
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to shun the fierce rage of the Cooper,
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he thought he should die by the Cooper.
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The Goodwife perceiving his woefull estate,
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She having a subtill and politicke pate,
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She suddenly whelm'd downe a great brewing fat,
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And closely she cover'd the Brewer with that,
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then after she let in the Cooper,
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what's under this tub, quoth the Cooper,
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The second part, To the same tune.
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S He hearing her husband that question demaund,
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She thought it was time to her tackling to stand,
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Take heed how you move it, quod she, with your hand,
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For theres a live Pig, was left by a friend,
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Oh let it alone good Cooper,
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thus she thought to coozen the Cooper.
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It is a Sow pig the Cooper did say,
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Let me ha'it to my supper: the Good-Wife said nay.
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It is sir a Bore pig, quoth she, by my fay,
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Tis for mine owne dyet, twas given me to day,
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It is not for you John Cooper,
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Then let it alone John Cooper.
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I would it were in thy belly, quoth John ,
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Indeed then quoth she so it shall be anon,
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What ere become of it, faith thou shalt have none,
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Why standst thou here prating, I prethee be gone,
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Make haste to thy worke John Cooper,
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worse meate's good enough for a Cooper.
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Cannot a good-wife have a bit now and than,
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But there must be notice tane by the Good man,
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Ile ha'it to my dinner sir, doe what you can,
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It may be I long to have all or none,
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Then prethee content thee good Cooper,
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Oh goe to thy worke John Cooper.
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The Cooper mistrusted some knavery to be,
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Hid under the brewing fat, and therefore he
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Was fully resolved for his mindes sake to see,
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Alas said the Brewer then woe be to me;
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Oh what shall I say to the Cooper,
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I would I were gone from the Cooper.
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You Whore quoth the Cooper, is this your bore pig?
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He has beene well fed, for hees growne very big,
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Ile eyther of him have an arme or a leg,
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Ile make him unable his taile for to wrig
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Before he gets hence from John Cooper,
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Ile make him remember the Cooper.
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Oh pardon me neighbour the Brewer did say,
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And for the offence I have done thee this day,
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I am well contented thy wrath to allay,
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And make restitution for this my foule play,
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Oh prethee forgive me John Cooper,
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And Ile be a friend to John Cooper .
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If for this offence thou wilt set me cleare,
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My bouty and love to thee shall appeare,
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Ile freely allow thee and thine all the yeare,
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As much as yee'll drinke, eyther strong Ale or beere,
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Then prethee forgive me John Cooper,
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Accept of my profer John Cooper.
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Oh, no, quoth the Cooper, Ile have thee to thinke,
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That I with my labour can buy my selfe drinke,
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Ile geld thee, or lame thee, ere from me thou shrinke,
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These words made the Brewer with feare for to stincke,
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he feared the rage of the Cooper,
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yet still he intreated the Cooper.
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The Cooper by no meanes would let goe his hold,
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The Brewer cri'd out to the Cooper and told
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Him there was the key of his silver and gold,
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And gave him free leave to fetch what he would,
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oh then he contented the Cooper
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these tydings well pleased the Cooper.
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If thou quoth the Cooper, wilt sweare with an oath,
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To doe all thou telst me, although I am loath,
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I will be contented to pardon you both:
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Content, quoth the Brewer, I will be my troth,
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Here take thou my key, John Cooper,
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yea, with a good will, quoth the Cooper.
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On this condition they both went their way,
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Both John and the Brewer, but John kept the key,
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Which open'd the Coffer where more money lay,
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Then John the Cooper made many a day:
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this is a brave fight thought the Cooper,
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Ile furnish my selfe thought the Cooper.
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John was so farre in affection with that,
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That he tooke up handfuls and filled his hat,
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I will have my bargaine quoth John , that is flat,
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The Brewer shall pay well for using my Fat;
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Ile cry no more worke for a Cooper,
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farewell to the trade of a Cooper,
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Thus money can pacifie the greatest strife,
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For John never after found fault with his Wife,
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He left off his Adz, his Saw and his knife,
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And after liv'd richly all dayes of his life,
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he cri'd no more worke for a Cooper,
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oh he left off the trade of a Cooper.
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And in his merry mood, oft he would say,
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If that I had hoopt twenty tubs in one day,
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I should not have got so much wealth, by my fay,
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Gramercy kind wife, for thy wit found the way,
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to make a rich man of John Cooper,
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oh what a good wife has John C ooper.
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Let no marrid couple that heare this tale told,
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Be of the opinion this couple did hold,
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To sell reputation for silver or gold,
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For credit and honestie should not be sold,
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Thus endeth the Song of the C ooper,
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That cri'd, ha'y any worke for a C ooper.
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