Man's Felicity and Misery:
Which is a good wife and a bad: or the best and the worst discours'd in
a Dialogue betweene Edmund and David.
To the tune of, I have for all good Wives a Song.
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Edmund.
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KInd Cozen David, prethee stay,
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Good newes to thee I will bewray,
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Since last I saw thee I am married,
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Now things with me are better carried,
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I dare say that which few men can,
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I have the best wife that ever had man.
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David.
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I am right joyfull Cozen Ned,
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To heare that thou so well art sped,
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As thou maist thy good fortune blesse,
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I may curse thy unhappinesse:
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My torments none on earth can scan,
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I have the worst wife that ever had man.
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Edmund.
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My Wife for beauty beares the name,
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From all ith'Town from whence she came,
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For shape shee might a Lady be;
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And so all say that doe her see;
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Her middle I can easily span,
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Shee is the best Wife that e're had man.
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David.
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My wife so loathsome is to view,
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Shee every morning makes me spew,
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For person, Shee's scarce good enough
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To cry, Maids ha'ye any Kitchin-stuffe:
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She shineth like a Drippingpan,
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Oh she's the worst wife that ever had man.
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Edmund.
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My Wife is affable and meeke,
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To please my fancy shee doth seeke,
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My humour shee will never thwart,
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But does my will with all her heart,
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Wee use no words but Ned and Nan,
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Shee is the best Wife that ever had man.
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David.
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My wife is obstinate and froward,
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Shee's sullen, peevish and untoward;
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Shee's glad at heart when she can finde
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Occasion to molest my minde;
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Shee'l have her will doe what I can,
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Oh she's the worst wife that ever had man.
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Edmund.
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My wife is carefull of her charge,
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She never romes abroad at large,
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Her businesse shee will ne're neglect,
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But brings all things to good effect;
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Shee's to her Babes a Pelican,
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O she's the best wife that ere had man.
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David.
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My wife among her gossips doth gad,
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As though nothing to doe she had,
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The children goe undrest all day,
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Unlesse I put on their aray:
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I'm faine to make what shift I can,
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For she's the worst wife that ever had man.
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Edmund.
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My wife's for constant chastity,
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Like Lucrece or Penelope:
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She is so wary in her carriage,
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That if a kisse would wrong her marriage,
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No one should get that favour than,
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For she's the best wife that ever had man.
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David.
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My wife is full of merry trickes,
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Shee hath been naught with five or sixe,
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If she can get me out o'th doore,
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Ere I returne shee'l play the whore,
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Shee'l say though I cant others can,
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Oh shee's the worst wife that ere had ma[n.]
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The second part. To the same tune:
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Edmund.
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MY wife so cleanely is and neat,
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She adds a goodnesse to my meat,
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I eat when I no stomacke have,
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Because tis done as I doe crave;
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In sicknesse she is my Physitian,
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For shee's the best wife that ere had man.
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David.
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My wife is such a beastly Slut,
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Unlesse it be an Egge or a Nut,
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I in the house dare nothing eat,
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For feare there's poyson in the meat,
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The Dogs doe licke both Dish and Pan,
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Oh she's the worst wife that ever had man.
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Edmund.
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My wife will weare no yellow hose,
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No wench can make her swell ith'nose,
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Shee knowes that I to her am just,
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And in my faith shee puts her trust;
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Sheele not be vext say what I can,
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For shee's the best wife that ever had man.
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David.
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If I upon a woman looke,
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My wife will sweare upon a booke,
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That she is certainly my whore,
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Though I nere saw the woman before.
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Shee'l claw her eyes out if she can,
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Oh she's the worst wife that ever had man.
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Edmund.
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My wife will never follow me,
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Goe where I will, at home stayes she,
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Though I from Morn till night doe rome,
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She smiling bids mee welcome home,
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This makes me haste home to my Nan,
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For shee's the best wife that ere had man.
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David.
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If I unto the Alehouse goe,
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To drinke a Jug of beere or so,
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Though nere so fast I thither hye,
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My wife is there as soone as I;
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At me and my friends shee'l curse and ban,
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For she's the worst wife that ere had man.
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Edmund.
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If any friend comes home to me,
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My wife gives entertainment free,
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But out oth'doores she will not stirre,
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Unlesse I goe along with her,
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Shee scrapes and saves what ere she can,
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Oh she's the best wife that ere had man.
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David.
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My wife will at the Alehouse sit,
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And wast away both money and wit;
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Nay rather than shee'l liquor lacke,
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Shee'l sell the smocke from off her backe,
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Shee'l steale from me all that she can,
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Oh she's the worst wife that ere had man.
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Edmund.
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Kind Cozen David I am very sorry,
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To heare thee tell so sad a story,
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Marriage and hanging now I see,
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Goes, as they say, by destiny,
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I would thou couldst say as I can,
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I have the best wife that ever had man.
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David.
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I thanke you Cozen for your good will,
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Long may your blisse continue still,
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My crosse I must with patience beare,
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Till God or the Divell end my care.
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And thus I end as I began,
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I have the worst wife that ere had man.
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Author.
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You wives who have heard this discourse,
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Now shew who's better and who is worse,
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The best will freely buy this Song,
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The worst will shew she hath a tongue,
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The head's soone broken that is scald,
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And Jades will kicke if they be gall'd.
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FINIS. M.P.
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